How to test your patience

How to test your patience? Easily try to arrange a vacation trip for a group of girls. And I bet your blood temperature sure will rise so much that you wish you could blow out like a volcano... Well i'm planning a trip with my friends, and knowing them *ya you girls* it will be a battle. :) Well, we have this 2 different of attitude in my group of gals. First off, the relax ones. If it's ok with them then it's a go ahead. And the second is the most troubling of all, it's like each and every small or big thing will be a battle from the days of departure, budget wise (especially this) and to the whole plans...

Now, I really hope that there won't be like those last trip we had. That we had to fight each and every step. Urghhhh... That was tiring.. But thankfully we had a great trip. No don't say "great battle and sacrifice are needed for a fantastic trip". If you think that way, then try to experience it first hand how tiring it is.

Well now, I'm planning a trip initially to labuan where we are going to drive to menumbok and take a ferry to labuan. But then a friend of mine gave this brilliant of doing a road trip to kinabatangan - sukau for a river cruise...

Well let's see, how it goes from there. I bloody hope that this time it would much more easier to plan and manage. Well I leave you guys with another song a favourite of mine from Orange Range - Ikenai Taiyou

Love for J-song revive

Been so long since I listen to japanese songs.. And the past 2 days, I've been listening to Ayaka.. Which i'm not a big fan of, cause my cup of tea of japanese song is song's from the like's of Yui, Rie Fu, Mr.Children, Orange Range, Stance Punk, Does and etc...

Well now, I'm back to craving to listen j-song. And here's one from my old time favourite song from Orange Range - "Asterisk"



But don't think that this group only sang the above kind of song.. Another of my total favourite is from the same group titled "Sayonara".. The song meaning is damn nice, prepare your handkerchief if you're a bloody sensitive person...

Scared...

Just want to get this bloody feeling out of my chest

I'm scared, I'm really scared of things repeating again. I know things is different but just what if it happen? I know I won't be able to survive it again.... It is so scary

Who says you can't go back...

who says you cant go back been all around the world and as a matter of fact
theres only one place left i wanna go
who says you cant go home

Not like I have travelled the world, but when I have been away for so long from my love ones... And finally able to go back for at most a week break back at home, I just knew it. I really want to go back, I have been missing lot's of thing. Yes, for sure it might be a different thing when or if I go back for good. At least I would not be rushing every single day just to go out and meet my friends.

I'm so sick and tired, of having to rush here and there each and everytime I go back to my hometown. And I knew since last year that I am so ready to go back and settle down back there in Sugud.. Sweet old sugud... There is no place like home... There's no point of staying in KL if I am not going to share it with my friends and family. Truth to be told, I am so bloody miserable here :)

And if I could, I would love to just pack up my bag and get on the bloody plane and be back in sugud at this very minute.. Cis, even writing this is making me so bloody homesick and I'm going to fly out of Malaysia this friday.. But i want to go backkkkkkk *whining sound*

Haish *slap face* got to bear it for another month, I'll back for at least for a short break in KK.. Hopefully...

Dosent matter where you are
Dosent matter where you go
If its a million miles away
or just a mile up the road
take it in, take it with you when you go
who says you can't go home

who says you can't go back
been all around the world
and as a matter of fact
theres only one place left i wanna go
who says you cant go home
its alright, its alright, its alright, its alright, its alright

The demon inside of us..

I always believe that in each and everyone of us, we struggle to fight the demon inside of us. Sometimes we win, sometimes we lost and sometimes it's a draw. And what I'm going to share below, echo's exactly what I meant by demon inside of us. We all struggle each and every day.

Two Wolves Within Us
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.

He said, "My son, the battle is between 2 wolves inside us all."

"One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego."

"The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather Which wolf wins?

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."-- pravsworld

So now, which one would you want to feed? And which one have you been feeding for so long.

There's this one thing thats been festering inside of me, and it's fast becoming a putrid gangrenous wound. And the story above just bloody hit me on the head. And it'a as clear as the sky after a rain, of what i should be doing. "Let it go, a person that used to be a friend. The friendship lost, and that's it. Let it go, forget about it and move on cause what happen is lesson learned which I am grateful of"

My fear I came to face today

:) I'm suppose to be packing up.. But I had to send out a work related email. Urghh... Sometimes I really hate to do that, cause sometimes I would be wasting hours just to send out emails to peoples and peoples for the sake of updates and etc etc.. When I could use the time to do better things like blogging for example :P

Well, today I'm in a mood to blog... Yippie!!!!!! Why? cause today's the day I came face to face with my worst nightmare. The thing that I was so afraid to see infront of my eye. The person or actually two person that is the last people on earth I wanted to see.

And you know what, I survive it. I did not die, I am ok. I was literally not that fine but I was ok. Maybe my legs was shaking a bit, or I nearly could not control back the pain, even could not eat anything, have to pretend to be laughing (thank goodness for work to distract me) but the main point is that I survive. And I thank god that I had good friends to be there when I need them the most... The "real" good friend I have to say it again.

Past is past and I'm actually sick and tired of trying to dig again to what has happen, suffice to say "I survive", yes it still hurt but "I survive". And from now on, I know that things will get better for me. As long as I stay the same way I am right now and not became the person I was once was.. Ohhhh how bloody lucky is the next person that is to be with me (if there would be an unlucky guy to fall for me), cause the me right now is a much much better person as she has fallen down so hard, made so much mistakes, learn bitter lessons and became a much better person. Well, people did say "Be very careful of what you pray for" and I did pray last last last time, "God, please help me to be a better person" and it happen. Albeit in a bitter way.

So now, how do I start to stop falling for the same person over and over again :P Me think is to first stop having hopes and secondly open my eyes and see around me and finally get the courage to take the first step to fall for someone new. :) And the last step is a huge leap for me which I would really love to take but it is so scary.