Sometimes opinion is incorrect

Rarely a comment deserve a reply of a whole post. my last post was about something of my old relationship.. But it seem that somewhere someone misunderstood my post and gave me advice to follow my heart, not rejecting the love and not let God decide who I love.

As much as I appreciate the advice but in a sense I can't agree on her opinion as it's too unrealistic to me. :)

Also *ehem* for her info, I am being true to myself actually. the thing that i can't accept from her comment is that. She said that

Please be true to yourself, hurting yourself and others is not the path to enlightenment it is the path to negativity and sorrow, utter sadness.

Yes, purposely wanting to hurt others and myself is not good. But In life, really you, me and everyone else can't avoid hurting anyone. Whenever we make a decision, there might be someone that would get hurt. And that's a fact. I am being true to myself, I can't disbelief my belief for a guy. Cause for me, my belief is more important to me than any man. That is why I choose to move on. And once I made the decision, I am actually in total peace.

And yes, I did mention that

When you start a relationship, it means that you have to accept that you are ready to get hurt and to hurt someone else

Based on her comments, oh mygoodness... I'm really sorry but I can't agree on her opinion, it's too much of a fairy tale. I'm not saying that when I start a relationship, I believe that I will hurt someone. It's just that this is life, sometimes we may hurt the one that we really care and we have to accept that fact, or it would be harder to bear the guilt. It's hard to explain especially me, but if someone understood correctly that quote.. Good for you.

Well, actually it was a pointless post to reply to the comment but I just have too... :P

Sometimes we need to do the thing we do

Sometimes I wish I was a heartless person or as some people would prefer to say it out loud, a bitch but I am not. One of the hardest thing for me is knowing that my wishes and wants may hurt others, that sometimes I tend to ignore the things that I wanted.

And what's more when you are the one that broke up a relationship because of certain things that you really wanted but could not get from a him/her. The guilt is actually more, and I hate that. It actually hurt, someone that you care is hurting because of the decision that you made.

And what hurt even more is when you're have just decided that you wanted to be happy and that is why you wanted out of the relationship. Not to say that I wasn't happy, I am very happy but when the relationship is not going anywhere and you wanted something more. A family, a baby and a commitment in front of god without compromising my own belief.

I am not a very good person, I rarely goes to church, I sin a lot too but one thing I can never so is denoucing Jesus just for the sake of being with someone. Cause I know that I could never believe in the other religion, and I love "HIM" more than I love any person at all. I've been fighting with the demon inside of me, thinking of "why not try", "it's just a belief, there's alot of mixed marriage", "it's ok like this".. But at the end of the day, I wanted more. Seeing your friend having babies, knowing that you have enjoyed yourself doing the things that your friends is envious of, wanting to wake in the morning beside that one person, wanting to cook for someone, wanting to fight over which house your parent or his parent house to go back for the holiday.

I'm actually practically rambling now, but to tell the truth. I'm hurting, hurting from just knowing that the person who used to be so close to me is hurting and also that he thought that I have easily moved on. Now I have to deal with the hurt and also the guilt?

The sarcastic way the words are made up, it really feels like being slapped in the face. Wanted to say to him directly, "Hey what the bloody hell you're saying, you think it's easy for me too. You think I easily moved on" BUT I stopped myself cause that is the main reason I broke off. I wanted to move on and I wanted him to move on, to not waste anymore years on him waiting for me change my belief. I have been selfish for so long and let me be selfish again for wanting to move on cause that is the only option I have in my hands right now.

I remember the words of a good friend of mine, I was asking advise about my situation and told her that I did not want to hurt him. Then she jsut said it plainly

When you start a relationship, it means that you have to accept that you are ready to get hurt and to hurt someone else

As soon as I heard it, I knew what I have to do. And I realize for the first time in my life that.. If I am not ready to get hurt or to hurt other person then I should not start a relationship.

What's with my name....

Somehow I do think that we at some point in our life, wish to have a better name. I once when I was a kid, wishes I was named as Aurora.. :) Ya, I was quite a princess when I was a kid. But now sigh, where was the kid that used to dream of being a princess when she grow up gone to... And now that bloody kid nearly grew as a tomboy.

Well, back to about names. Yup, I was a sucker for fairy tale when I was young. And my favourite princess of all was Princess Aurora from sleeping beauty.

But nowadays I kinda like my name, although it is common but hey how often can you get to sing karoake of songs about your own name. So apart from Delilah, or Jude, or Barbara, or Clementine my bloody name is quite famous with more than hundreds songs using it. Although only a few is worth hearing. But my favaorite is this one. Which I was tagged in FB and I nearly forgot about it. Enjoy "Sweet Caroline" :) told you it's a common name but pretty famous name hehehehe... But *big hint ;P * I love this one song.. It's bloody sweet...



ps: I miss blog hopping... I was sick the past few days and just got better today and at least I don't feel like throwing out every 10 min or so and I at least now can sit on the chair without wanting to lay down. So here I am back to blogging and blog hopping again...

Out of nothing at all

I realize that the song that I kept on listening over and over again somehow reflect what I'm feeling at that moment. And at this moment the one song that I kept on repeating in my playlist is this song by Air Supply, Making love Out of nothing at all.



Well, not feeling down particularly. Been too busy with work and coping being sick here in Pakistan that I just don't have the time let my self feel hurt or some sort like that. Just that knowing that someone easily move on is kinda... how do I say, "speechless", "shocking", or "etc".. it's just that feeling of disbelieve. But as it is, it's man. What can we expect...

I know just how to whisper,
and I know just how to cry;
I know just where to find the answers;
and I know just how to lie.
I know just how to fake it,
and I know just how to scheme;
I know just when to face the truth,
and then I know just when to dream.
And I know just where to touch you,
and I know just what to prove;
I know when to pull you closer,
and I know when to let you loose.

Nevermind that, I really don't have the bloody energy to waste thinking of irrational and wasteful thing as per my condition right now.

I bloody got food poisoning, and been sleeping since yesterday and now i'm so bloody tired of sleeping that my head feels like it's gonna burst from all those sleep. And now I bloody can't sleep. Nice!

But I don't know how to leave you,
and I'll never let you fall;
and I don't know how you do it,
making love out of nothing at all

why oh why....

I'm tired. I'm so tired. I'm really tired. Work is really hectic. I knew it would be this way. Stress to the max. Even if weekend comes, I would still not be able to get the rest as I got to prepare my training session next week... Urghhhhhhhhhh, just bloody kick me...


*ehem* ok enough the complaint. Now, I arrive safely in Islamabad on sunday morning. And as I been flying since thursday and haven't got the rest. I was a zombie when I arrive at the hotel and practically slept the whole day and still it wasn't enough as I had to prepare for next day work.

Ahhh, why do I torture myself.. Ah, why did I bloody agree to go here for this project...

Again enough with complaints.. Shoo karul, go and start to send out the emails and prepare for tomorrow meeting again.. urghhhhh

Touch n go

Right now i'm bloody sweating and again starting to feel tired. Just got in rhe cab. Only some genius'es like me would attempt to do:

1) fly back to hometown in KK
2) fly again the very next day back to KL
3) and again fly to pakistan the next day too

And right now i'm on my way to KLIA to catch my plane to transit in Doha first before going to pakistan, and truthfully right now i'm bloody tired... Thinking of the long flight of 7 hour to Doha is frustrating as i would be stranded at the airport for 9 hour before my connecting flight to islamabad which *bang head* is 5 hours flight.. My journey start at 10am today and i will only arrive at pakistan at 3.15am tomorrow... Urghhhhhhhh bloody flight!

Arghhhhh gerrrrr &%&$^$*^%*&% Bloody someone

Just got to say this bloody thing that I'm feeling right now. I've never ever wanted to get to the point where I got so annoyed at seeing someone faces right now and just want to act like a mad woman. It's just that the situation has become so bloody annoying and frustrating. And this is the first time ever I've raise my voice in a preofessional environment.. Yes genius, it's easy to guess if you're not an idiot like that one person. GAH!

Let's see, you have been working on the bloody thing for a YEAR already. And Installation is easiest bloody thing to be done. It's suppose to be sap sap sui. But the heck it seem like you're trying to create a nuclear bomb. And gah!!!!! Restore database also tara dpt settle ka... APARAAA!!!!! If I could just roar like the lion I would have done so.

See.. see.. How bloody easy it is for me to restore the DB... SEEEEEEEE the DB is being restore, it's now how many percent? 20% you say... SEEEEEE it's bloody being restore. AAARGHHHHHHHHHHH! someone just knock me on the head. Cause I for one can't bloody understand why was it so bloody difficult... And that other person ah.. U think I can manage all of the project ah.. U think I'm a superwomen that can do programming, debugging, data upload and the bloody same time manage the project and also at the same time help to do other project... GARHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! I bloody want to kill someone...

And now, the thing we are doing, we bloody have wasted a week on doing fruitless thing. And after more than a week we're back to square one and back to debugging.. What you think after the DB restore everything ok la... Blardy baldi... The bloody databse restore is just part 1 of 30 part that need to do.... Garrhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And just beacuse I'm going to Pak, I've got to helo in settling everything!!!!! That is the bloody main reason I wasn't able to settle one of my project... Why? Well if I was about to concentrate on ONE project I would be called to do another thing... u think I can work 24/7.. That is the reason I got stressed out.. GARRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Killlllll

Now I partially understand why there are people that go amok with a parang, trying to slice anyone he can... Cause at this moment I really want to run around amok'ing, and just want to shout and slice peoples... Arghhhhhhhhh...........

Gerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.......

update: *tears running on the face* please just kill to get me out of this misery........ aaaaarggghhh mental torture....

updates: stop with sigh and the stress look. I'm the one who want to wants to really cry out.. aaarrrghhhhh

Unexpected plan vs planned plan

Me think my life is too much unpredictable and it's totally bad for me. I'm making plans but just somehow, most of the plans go crashing down, cancelled is the exact description. And as much as my plans being cancelled, tons of unexpected plan comes to me. Like for instance, this weekend I'll be going back to my hometown. Yep, I just bought the ticket and if my leave application got approved then I'll be back this thursday night. Wasn't planning to go back to KK this fast, actually planning this end of month but as I said... It's all unexpected planning. And now the bloody trip to Pak in being delayed due to the upper management need of a PO from client before they are sending me there *which I think is a good move or I might be working for free cause if there's no proper contract shit may happen*

So well, let just say I'm going back for family matters, and I'm going to bloody enjoy my weekend with my family and friends. Well what I want to say out loud is.. Mwahahahahahaha I'm going back!!!!!!

My life is a weaving

Sometimes there are times in life where we wonder why thing happen the way it happen.. But then life is like that.. It's never easy to understand it. Something I receive in my mailbox, and I wanted to share it with you all. As usual it's a sharing from Pravs.com...

Being sentimental on a saturday night

I'm craving to love someone. Yes I do have my friends and family, but I'm greedy. Let me be greedy just a litle bit. The need and the thing that I really want right now. The one thing that I've been chasing for a long time. And I do know that at this moment...

I really want to love someone and care for that person. Shower him with all my love, wanting no more than pure happiness for him. Wanting to be beside him, if possible every second of my life. Wanting to be his strength and be able to offer my shoulder for him when he need some comfort. Wanting to share that person joy. Wanting to laugh at his joke no matter how lame it is, as long as he is happy. And finally I would want that he would want the same thing from me too

Kekeke... being a bit sentimental on a saturday night listening to love song... Peh!!! Stop the bloody love song Karul!!!

ps: Been craving for meat, as I have been changing my diet to eat more vege and less meat. But I'm so used of eating meat so much...
pss: I bloody need to learn to say "you're welcome" when someone say thank you instead of replying thank you... It's bloody amusing to other to hear it..

Finally it's friday.. And thank goodness for that

Oh my... this week was so bloody hectic. And regretfully for me, I spent Good Friday "working" and "wasting time trying to go back"... Was planning to go back KK this weekend for easter. But then I was suppose to fly out of Malaysia so had to cancelled the my trip back to hometown. And now the my flight have been delayed for another week, and right now I'm totally bummed out. Cis, if I knew I would be at home in KK lazing around eating noonsom and basungan soup...

Geh, somtimes I wonder why the heck I work so hard. The last 3 days or so, I've been waking up and going to work and back to home and sleep directly. Even yesterday, and yesterday was suppose to be TGIF. It's not like I'm ungrateful pf the fact that I have a job but there would that split second where I'm so tired of my work that I would think to myself.

Why the bloody tarnation I'm not working as a simple clerk or any office worker. Easy peasy what, compare to my job right now

Well, I also wanted to share something yesterday. I'm a "public transporatation" person, and for sure I can say correctly that Malaysian especially those living in KL have gradually lost their "kampung" spirit. Cis just because you stay in KL la.... But the point that i wanted to say that, there is no such thing as "orang malaysia bersopan santun dan penuh dengan nilai2 ketimuran" (malaysian are a very polite and full of asian value --> ahaks! I bloody fail in doing translation)

Why I say that, well from my own experience. Like yesterday, I was sitting in the KTM tren, and halfway to my destination a pregnant lady came into the tren and stood beside the girl who was sitting beside me. I saw the lady and already planned to give my seat to the pregnant lady, but what irk me so much is the bloody girl that was sitting beside me. She saw the pregnant lady, just glanced at the lady and continue reading the bloody newspaper.

I'm not going to say that the girl should be the one giving her seat, cause that is so bloody hipocrite. But what I can't stand is that the bloody idiot of a girl just IGNORE a pregnant lady that really needed to sit down. Geh!!!!! I hate people like, cause I know that they would be the first people that would be complaining if the same thing happen to them...

And truthfully kids nowadays lack the common sense and "nilai-nilai murni" (good values), less and lesser kid are being respectful to their elders and can you imagine when this same kids grow up and have a family. What would the teach their own kids... So scary isn't it... One day Malaysia would be a country of selfish and rude people