A swedish proverb..

Geh... I have to be grateful that i'm still able to blog through mobile. The conn at home just bloody went 'kaput'...

True as i always believe, bad news always come in a bundles. Cis, and i just got one news that just frustrate me so much... Opportunity comes knocking at my door but i am unable to grab it although i really want to but i would be flying out of malaysia soon... Cis... Better for me not to know than to know and just bite my lips in frustration.

Well let me share a swedish proverb that i fell in love as soon as i read it.

"Love me when I least deserve it, that's when l need it the most"

Sent from my HTC

Anyone brave enough to follow me for Pakistan adventure....

Some people might say I'm crazy. But I love Pakistan. Last time I went there, I didn't manage to go to many places. And this time, I really have to go to Taxila. Pakistan is so full of culture and contradiction. Especially in Islamabad. It's a modern city but, take a ride to it's twin city Riwalpindi. You can see the mix and match of old and new. Also Pakistan is a country full of history; the Vedic civilisation, Persian empire, Greek Empire, Mughal Empire adn etc..

Some people might be having real huge doubt to visit Pakistan. But, you can experience almost everything in Pakistan alone. And did you know that the 2nd highest mountain, mount K2 is in Pakistan. Also check out Skardu, one district in Pakistan, such a beautiful place wish I could go there. Also the Lake of Saif-ul-Malook, I would love to see it. And SWAT valley, if only there is no war at that area, I would have gone there. It's breathtakingly so beautiful.

Now for my next trip to Pakistan, I will make sure I'll visit the place that I missed last time and also make sure I'll buy the stuff that I wanted to buy while keeping in mind to send the "loads of books that I will buy *very cheap 2ndbook*, souvenier, clothes and etc" through airmail. Or I'll just waste my money to pay the overload charges at the airport again.

Just wish the trip is a month earlier, as I can still go up to Murree near Islamabad to play with the snow. Anyone want to come down to Pakistan and be my partner in crime to explore the country? Well, sometime I wish I was only born as a man. It would be much easier for me to go travelling alone. But me as a girl, I have to think twice to go alone. It's not that I'm saying girls can't go travelling alone but there are times and places where you know that it's more advantages to be a man or at least have a guy with you to go travelling. But then again being a girl, I can easily use my charm to get what I want, pish and posh don't say you girls never use it...

Proposal....

Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh..... Proposal is always so sweet. I finally saw the engagement episode of "The Nanny". And aaawwwwwwwww, I love proposal. Again aaaaaaawwwwwwwwww, how nice it is for a girl to be proposed instead of; ok you know and I know and we've been together, let's do it, we'll get married, so no need of proposal". The dreaded "Jom kahwin" sentence.

How did you get proposed? Would like to know true story of proposal.... If me my dream proposal would be:

1) I would not have any clue of it
2) I don't know at all that he want to propose
3) It would be a total surprise

Well basically,*if ever there's a he* I would love if he would pop out the question when I least expect it and it's a MUSSSSTTTTTTTT, that he would be on his knee :) Hey that's my dream proposal. Hmmmmmmmm I must be a very unimaginative girl...

Testing email from the bloody phone

Just testing if i could easily blog using this bloody phone..

Sent from my HTC


edit: yesh, just posted a bloody post from the bloody HP... mwhahaha... ok just doing something worthless... Got bored cleaning the room...

It's comfirm.... It's gonna be a hectic week next week....

Yup, it's finally comfirm. And I can finally say it out loud. I receive the letter and just had a meeting from them. So now I'm starting to prepare stuff to get ready for another trip to "Pakistan".

Yup, i'm going there again for another project... It's actually a mixed feeling. In one hand I'm happy but in another hand I'm pretty worried. Worried? Yep, worried about the work over there. Cause I know for sure it would another hectic way of working and I just recover myself from stress of working there last year. And I'm worried as for one part I hate to do any presentation. But as it is, not wanting to do presentation is "Career Suicide". Will have to conducts tons of trainings as per the my work requirement.. Urghssss

Other concern bout going to Pakistan. Safety? Hmmmm, how do I say it. At first it does seem like it's too dangerous over there. It is dangerous but it is also safe. Confusing isn't it. Easily explain by, there are places which even the local deem as unsafe but me going to Islamabad, it would be practically safe. As it is the capital city of Pakistan and the last time I went there, security is pretty tight. Especially at the embassy areas which is a favourite place for peoples to bomb. There confusing isn't it...

But as I always say, if it's my time to die then I will die no matter what I do. If it's not my time, then I would still survive an aeroplane crash.

Afraid? Actually no. Cause I've been there before. So I basically know what to expect.

Annoyed? Hell yes, it's too rush. I was just informed this week wednesday and I'm suppose to fly to Pakistan next week on friday. Gerr.....

Well guys... Yup so I'll be fying in and out Malaysia and Pakistan for the next 4 months... Urghhhhh Thank goodness it's only 5 hours on board from Bangkok to Islamabad. And just 2 hours from KL to Bangkok... But the transit is the tiring one, well no matter I'll go massage at the Airport. Mwahahahahaha Thai Massage is the best!!!

Unpredictable... life is...

I suppose this is life, it's unpredictable. In two week times, if I receive the letter I'll be saying goodbye to Malaysia again. But at least this time it won't be too long like the last time. *Sigh* Just bloody give me at least 2 weeks to prepare... I really don't like this kind of rush. Some more next week is Good Friday and Easter> I've already planned to go back to celebrate it with the family *Sigh*

Can you answer this question?

Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its bum.'

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Don't you know that you could be finishing your work faster instead of reading this post

Again a dilemma.... Is it go ahead or nope it's cancel....

I don't know, part of me want it, cause the money is good and if I can save for the the allowances that I will get. I can pay off my debt also fund my coming bali and europe travelling... It's like killing not just two birds but three birds with one stone. But somehow part of me just don't want to go cause I know it would be tough... Well let it be decided tomorrow in the meeting. If it's green light then I have to go, but if it's red light I know I won't be dissapointed

Never settling for less ever again

:) I've been making the same bad decision again and again, but thank goodness somehow something always intervane it, and for that I thank God.

I've always been easy to get along, cause one of the reason is that I compromise. But there would a time where I compromise too much, to the point I became a person of whom I am not, then I would start to hate myself and hate the other person for being partly responsible. That is when everything start to crumble... I realize this and I've been trying to change this part of mine, trying to learn to know what I can and cannot compromise and to how much extent I can compromise :)

I found another song that echo when I'm saying "I do not want to settle for something less and compromise too much till I hate myself".

Song again from Sugarland *my fav country band*, "settlin"...

I ain't settlin'
For just getting by
I've had enough so-so
For the rest of my life
Tired of shooting too low
So raise the bar high
"Just enough," ain't enough this time
I ain't settlin' for anything less than everything

Point to ponder: sometimes we compromised alot and settle for less that the thing we deserve cause we are afraid of what others might say, that at the end of the day we become depressed and start to hate ouself, other peoples and life itself. Only when we start to love and respect our own self by not putting too much of importance on what other people might think and giving 'me' the utmost priority first, will we then start to feel more at ease and happier.

When she come visiting....

Been unmotivated to blog for a few days already... Feeling so bloody tired, and today I knew why.. Mother Red came visiting me today and probably will stay with me for three days, and that's why I was feeling sluggish the past week. Been trying to reply to comments, but several incidents just bloody happen, 1st the internet connection suddenly went down at the very moment I click on "Submit", 2nd I was such a genius I've already typed in my comment but as a genius I click on the "X" button which closed the comment form instead of clicking on "Submit" and finally last nite I was just so tired and sleepy that I don't even want to sit in front of the laptop... Jeez, Mother red do you really need to tire me when you coming visiting me...

Leech will be leech

"The love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, for which some have strayed from the faith in their greediness, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows" (I Timothy 6:10).

What's your limit to helping a friends or relatives? Is it anything? Or only certain stuff expect for a few things ie. Money? Well me, I would try to help as much as I am able to help. As long as the other ask me truthfully, and if I'm able I will help. But, there would be a time where even if the other party is desperate, I would not be able to help. When a person honestly ask me for my help. I'll not think twice to help that person. But What I can't tahan (stand) is when that person is so dishonest, two-face.

I understand his situation now, but from what he said to me through his SMS's I don't know the truth. He's facing problem, monetary, but the alasan is for me too much ridiculous. First he need money to join some sort of ladang scheme *i don't know what plant that is*, then the next week his father fiancee pass away *ok that's true* but logically even if you're the in-law would you expect a 19 years old non-working kid just got his butt expelled from the college to chip in the money for everything *i mean seriously, do I have 'karul is an idiot' on my forehead*, then the uncle also pass away and he was expected to chip in as well *helloooooo*, and then another reason which I forgot, and another other reason, and another, and another and finally recently I just got now is that he need me to chip in rm100-150 so that he get a driver license to apply for a driver position in some I bloody don't know gov department.

Ya, I know people might asked. Won't anyone know who the person I'm talking about and wouldn't he read this post... *Shake head* Regretfully I hope he would, but unfortunately he won't understand a word I wrote even if I shove this bloody blog onto his face. Most probably the only word he might understand is "I Love You".. Which is why I did not reply to any of his sms's cause when someone just start saying "kaulah saja harapan saya, kaulah cousin tercinta saya, I lov u n mis u" I just cringe and run away very far.

It's not I haven't been helping, I helped him a lot, truthfully more than thousands and I knew that he won't pay me back a cent, but I don't mind as long as I can help him. For my relatives I will help them if they needed help. But somehow, it's true the love of money is a very evil thing. When my cousins asked me for money help, I do help if I'm able to. But I don't know why, but my relatives perception of me working here in KL, able to fly back to KK often, able to go holiday and etc is that I'm rich *shocked*

Helloooooooooooo... I work hard ok, I save my money ok, I try to find side income ok *halal one ya*... It's not like I'm rich or what. Even sometimes I just shake my head when people (some relative) say that our family is rich, cause just because my dad was able to build a house *shake head, on mortgage*, have a car and now one more new car *hello, I'm working now ok, and cheap car only what*, going for family travelling *my dad work his ass off by doing dome part-time job ok!*... Helloooo, it's because I got an awesome dad... We weren't able to have all those stuff when I was young. We were poor, but as I said my dad and mom is super awesome. They work hard to put food on the table and also try to give pamper us too.

That's why I had enough when he started to send me sms's like "i lov u n mis u, terima kasih", and when I got to know he went asked my mom too, and when I got to know his father was also sending him money every month, and when I started to feel that I'm being taken as a fool.

What's pritiful, is that I will always be thought as a bank for some of my relatives. I really love them, but in the end of the day I don't want to start hating them. So it's best for me to stop being a bank. The love of money is really terifying..... It can break up a family in an instance. Just like what happen to us last time. The greed of an uncle that even want take my mom small land where I call my home. Even to the point of sueing my grandpa and my parent for that small piece of land. Well enough of airing family thing here. But it's like being spit again and again and suddenly you became their beloved cousin. Incomprehensible... I do forgive but the hurt is too much too much damage, I can't love them the way I used too before.

There... That's what been festering inside of me all this long. Well I'm starting to get very hungry, I was hungry before I wrote this long post but now I'm super hungry. So till the next post...

ps: I just got an sms again begging me to help him. I'm so sorry but I can't...
pss: Notice, Paul didn't say money is evil.. He said "the love of money"...

Movie marathon on TGIF!!!!!

I went for a movie marathon accidently today. Was just planning to watch only 1 movie and then go home and take a rest. But what happen is, after the 1st movie I was more excited to watch another movie... So I went to check if there's other movie that might interest me. And there was 2, but I was undecided which one to watch when I realize that after the "b" movie, immediately the "c" movie would start. So I just bought both of the movie ticket. And I ended with 3 movie to watch continuosly..

Let me just say beforehand, I'm not a pro movie critique. But I know what movie I like must be a good movie. And these 3 movies that I just watch today was good. For me good action movie, as I've been dissapointed recently with the last year action movie. And I truly know that the movies that I watched may not be what people might expect. But I damn care, at least I won't be praising a movie, with all the praising comment about how wonderful is the script, the acting is superb, the camera shot is good, original, but damn a BORING movie...

:) Yup, there are some that is totally boring althought critique alike are praising up to the heavens. And I ended up dissapointed, that nowadays I won't let critique influence the movie that I watch.

So which movie did I watch:

1) From paris with love

Ya, ya, I know... It's all shoot, kill, shoot, kill, shoot, kill, throw bomb, kaboom... But heck that is why I watch movie. I need that part. I really have to say it, my fav part of the movie was the car chase between the Audi and the Volvo... And the Audi driver, was damn cool esp when he floored the car... And it was actually funny, not mwahahahaha, rolling o the ground funny one, but dry humor which I love and not many people could understand, which is a real pity.. :)



2) Green Zone

Ok, I know.. but I can't get enough with Matt Damon and the conspiracy thingy... But truthfully deep down inside.. I love this movie...



3) Edge of Darkness

And this, I was a bit unexcited to watch it. Reason be, is because of the critique review. But I did not regret to waste my money and time.. It's not that superb, but I love it.. Also not for people that don't like shoot, kill, shoot, kill.. But the ending, me love it.. mwahahaha how we wish that we could that in real life :)



And lesson learned? Well never to read the critique if you decided to watch a movie. Cause you might ot enjoyed... Read it after the movie :)

ps: Ohhhh can't wait for "Salt" Angelina Jolie movie.. uuuuuuuu.....

People knows that...

Just when you think you've caught the scent of plums, it dissapear. It's fleeting that's why we love it. It's impermanent. Just like people know that happiness doesn't last forever. That's what makes it so valuable. You can sense that even just a moment of happiness is a blessing - Anonymous

Nothing wrong being stingy....

Bleh! I'll admit it. I'm tight fisted nowadays. All because I got tons of wants ie. The Canon S90, my certification for PADI open water, my bali trip, learning to swim classes, getting a driver license, my next year europe trip, going back to KK for might be interview, going back to KK to attend my friends wedding on June and another one is pending end of this year, might be going "if jadi" company trip, must go this year universal studio singapore... All this wants that need money and also now I'm starting to pay for the new car that just been bought for my parent use in KK, the monthly is like *geh* and the birthday as my friend call the insurance is gonna burn my whole pocket.

I am bloody mad no need for others to say, I'm crazy... A blithering idiot that is crazy. And right now, I'm saving like hell, I run away from temptation of shopping, no more eating sushi every week, and etc etc etc... And I fail each and every time...

And now "if jadi" and not postpone "again" my trip to Singapore the week after next week, I have decided to stay at a backpacker hostel. I have already been given some advances for the hotels, food and trasportation. So if I can save like 1/3 of it, by staying at a hostel.. It would help me buy the S90 or pay for the diving lesson plus swimming class or buy the 6 air ticket I need to back to KK for three times. And staying in the hostel is like using only less than 1/6 of the advances mwahahaha.. Cause Singapore hotel I got to say it, it's not expensive if you are earning Singapore Dollar or better. But when you're earning Ringgit Malaysia and lower, it's damn expensive...

Geh, and I'm so damn stingy as I mention earlier. Can't bloody wait for my trip to singapore, going there for training but what I'm really looking forward is the Universal Studio Singapore (USS)... Was suppose to go next week, but the trainer had an emergency *me think he is still on vacation* and had to postpone the training for another week... If not hmmppp, already me go to USS....

Again geh! Singapore hotel is bloody expensive but at least the food is cheap... :) mwahahahahahaha.... Food galore!!!!!

I Don't Like to Sleep Alone

On a lonely night like this, I'm still awake this late in the morning. Kononya trying to finish work but then the lure of 'kemalasan' is so much. Then suddenly the feeling of loneliness crept inside of me. And coincidently the song by Paul Anka start to play from my long list of playlist.



I'm actually perfectly alright living although alone here and far away from the family in KL, but hearing and seeing your friends and relatives are happy with their loved ones, trigger just a litta envious feeling in me. And sometimes I would feel so lonely, that I wish I can just wake someone in the middle of the night and be able to talk or just snuggle against him. And that sometimes is tonight it seem. Well, what to do :) This is the life I choose and although it is imperfect but for me I rather be like this than pretending to be someone else just to be with that one person. At the very least, I am my self and I damn care if others want me to act the way they want me to act.

ps: Song by Paul Anka *cis, as if you wouldn't know* titled "I Don't Like to Sleep Alone" :)

Jangan biar bangsa asing pijak kepala kita.....

Hmmmm, the title of my blog is actually what a Malaysian student overheard when the so called datuk rauf was talking with his "geng" in London recently... From this incident it shows that racist exist among our own leader and how we can STILL have faith that not all Malay is racist.

Check out this info and this, about a Malaysian student who overheard Datuk Rauf saying the racist comment which he vehemently denied by saying the student Bahasa is not that good that the student misheard him, and this is where I laugh.. It's hilarious a Malay student BM is so bad that he misheard?

Mwahaha weeds like this Umno representative really needed to be weeded out from Malaysia and be put into a nameless island so that they can reign their own version of supremancy. Cause the question that I still ask till today is, if you're born in Malaysia, grow up in Malaysia, love Malaysia but you're not one of the "Bumis" are you're still consider to be "Bangsa Asing" as aptly mention by the so-called Datuk?

A week old pau still taste so good....

There's one thing that people cannot complain about me. No one can ever complain that I waste food. As you guys know, I went back to KK last week weekend. And as I was suppose to go back that friday but *unfortunately* had to miss the flight, so I went on to a eating spree. Tapau'ed lot's of food which is not needed as I am living alone and I bought food for 3 person. Yes! That's how much of food I bought that day.

I couldn't finish the 2 bun, char siew bun and vegetable bun. So I put it in the freezer, thinking that I would just warm it up in the microwave eat it as breakfast in the next morning. But! As always, I rushed to go to the airport and "naturally" forgot the two buns sitting in the fridge. Mind you I put it in the freezer.

So today after more than a week, kekeke I know it sound gross isn't it. I was so hungry and I was searching in the fridge to look for anything that can be cooked. But alas, there's nothing edible. BUT then I saw it the 2 buns hibernating in the freezer area. So after thinking and deliberating for 5 second. Rationalizng that the buns are frozen so it would still be ok to eat it even after a week. I jammed the buns into the microwave..

And after 30 second, on very high setting, the bloody bun is still edible... Mwahahahaha ok, it's kinda gross in a sense but heck I still can't believe it the bloody thing is still good even after a week living in the freezer.

So now, I'm just crossing my finger that I won't get stomach ache from the buns.

Hey Ho, nobody knows you're not coming home!

Mwahaha.. It's gonna be song by Gin Wigmore again today... Just had to share this, I think that this song is certainly has the vibe of "serve you right", scary, "yes, kill that asshole!".... There would be people out there somewhat have feel this way before, the "if you're not gonna be mine, then for sure no one can have you".. Ok not me ah... I just love how good this song is, and the tune is just OMGoodness so awesome... Enjoy it

I hear you're leaving town,
And I am feeling down,
You should know that nothing leaves my side,
I'm gonna come round,
I'm gonna shoot you down,
You knocked my crown,
Now you can go six feet underground.

Your lies have broke my life,
Say goodbye my angel,
I gave you all my love,
To sleep alone my angel.

Hey Ho,
Nobody knows you're not coming home,
Hey Ho,
Nobody knows you're not coming home.

Don't you take me here,
And don't you touch me there,
I am digging your grave and you stay there,
Can you see the light,
And think you're still alive,
Believe me baby you won't come back again.

ps: ;P please be very careful with whom you start your relationship with, cause you never know if you'll be 6 feet down under if you say good bye... keke that's the thing I get from the song...

It's too late for lover

I heard this song on the Jimmy Kimmel show and it totally won me over. I love this kind of melody and her voice "ummmmppppphhh!!!" so bloody nice, raspy voice just is my liking.

Song sung by Gin Wigmore and the song is "Too late for lovers"... Love the song on first hearing it but the lyric is somewhat nice also. Certainly gonna go and download or buy the CD if I can get my hand on it la (buy CD? I can hear someone out there snorting)

Step on my toes
Riddle my road
Now I can't find my own way back
Leave to me lie with you chasing my eyes
So I fall for you one last time
How do you know if a pocket of gold
Will never be a enough to say I do

Cut me a heart from the milky way stars
To remember when we fell in love
You promised to take me on a carnival ride
But your ring a rosey shot that through
And you say that nothing will do will ever bring me back to you

No no it's too late for lovers
Save me, why won''t you save me
When I gave you my whole world
To leave this holey rolling track
If I only knew the day that I lose would be up to you
Because you know you said forever
Still I am passing through

ps: cis so susah to cari the song lyric... but worth it

Quotes to be shared...

"Winning isn't everything. But wanting to win is."

So true isn't it. We don't need to win EVERY SINGLE BLOODY TIME, but we must have the feeling of wanting to win. The 'want' will then spur us to work hard to try to get to win that something. If we don't then we are like the loser, cause only loser say they 'want' but they actually don't want, they think they want but they don't. Cause if they really want it then they will work hard to win it. But a loser, they are only talks and complains but no action at all. :) Well that's what I wanted to share, I receive a list of quotable quotes. in my email. Also one more quote that I like from the list is

"If I could wish for my life to be perfect, it would be tempting but I would have to decline, for life would no longer teach me anything"

Ok, the below video is just random thing that I love to watch.. so enjoy it as I have enjoyed it.. Gosh, Robert Downey Jr is super hot (for me la) ;P

Quick post at KL sentral food court

Quick and an unnecessary post.. Just wanted to complain. I hate to walk more instead of taking the taxi. I hate to stop myself from ordering that yummylicious tiramisu and cheesecake or the ice cream. I hate to look for food that must be steam, boil. I hate to calculate how many calory I put into my mouth. I hate green food more and more. I just bloody hate my body metabolism... I miss the time where I can gloat to others stuffing my mouth with food without worrying of gaining a kg. Those were the days, where I was so thin that even if I stuff myself with cakes every single day, not a gram I would gain... Well as people says, "You think you are getting younger!"

Mwhahaha.. Bloody weight!

Handsome man club!

I just had to share this, even though I'm being shouted by my boss to go for lunch with the others... Cis.. I know, i know you guys are hungry... Well enjoy this.. and I love it how narcistic the guys are.. kekeke... TGIF!

When are you getting married?

I was asked by my colleague just now, the question some of us dread to be asked while some of us are happy to be asked. Me? I love being asked the question, cause at my age it's inevitable that people will ask me especially if they know that I not married yet, so instead of getting frustrated with the question I should be looking forward to shocking people with my answer. It's a huge pleasure for me to see other look flustered because of my answer.

Well, when I'm asked with the following question...

When are you getting married?

My standard answer would always be...

Aiya, got no candidate. How to get married.

And most of them would say start to say quite an annoying statement...

You must be too choosy, no need to be choosy

Sometimes or actually most of the times, I'll just smile and say...

Where got, just haven't found someone and the one I wanted don't want me how? :)

What I really wanted to say is actually...

Yes, I am choosy but I'm not too choosy. If I want to be married I can get married already maybe more than oncend have 2 or 3 kids already. But for me in life it's not that important to me to get married. If God says that I'm to live my life as on old maid then how? Also I don't want to regret marrying the wrong person, I want to marry someone that complete me, and make me a better person. I don't simply choose my future husband like choosing baju di kedai. If there's any problem with the baju I can still exchange it. But can you exchange your husband for something better. God already say to us, what he have joined together cannot be separated by others. What i'm choosy in a men is not the physical appearence or the amount of "harta" he have but instead is he a God-fearing men, does he respect his parents, does he respect womens, can he support a family, is he unselfish, does people around him thinks he's a great guy, can he make me laugh, can my joke make him laugh, can I talk anything with him and he would gladly listen to me even though it's the most boring thing in the world... Now can you say I'm too choosy, I am choosy but it's for my own good isn't it

*edit*
ps: Apparently in my office only 3 person is unmarried,I'm the last girl in the office to be single the other two is guy and they (my colleague) rationalized that men doesn't matter, but girl MUST get married early.. Ummm huh? in the old days, it might be so. But now? hmmmm... And the girls that asked the question is actually younger than me and has already a kid or two :) haihhhh.... I also want to get married ba, holding-holding a baby, sleeping-sleeping with husband (kekeke) BUT before that I need a man, which I am looking but currently on hold la... aiyo.. c pris told me to take an indefinate leave from being in a relationship, enjoy being single she said.. so i'm following her advice la..

It's the end of road... ka di hozou mantad Matt Goss

I heard this song on "So You Can Think You Can Dance" and I liked it so much that I forced myself to get up and switch on my laptop and just downloaded this song, and I can still manageto blog about this song.

Anyhow, enjoy this song by Matt Goss titled "It's the end of the road". Couldn't find or actually I damn care which version I posted as long as it's the original singer singing.

I've held my breath
Walked on shells hoped for the best
What the future holds
I don't know
I've gotta stand up, dust myself off
Just for now
It's the end of the road

When something ends Something begins,
But now it's just the end of the road
When someone loses someone wins
But now it's just the end of the road
Don't get to fix it if it doesn't break
But now it's just the end of the road
When you gotta leave
It makes you wanna stay
I know it's the end of the road

I've been travelin'
Get the dust right off the windshield
No one gets the road map to their life
'Cause life is so subjective
I'll take my pain and I wanna protect it
Never blinds me always reminds me
There's so much more to see
At the end of the road

ps: hate the weather right now, it's affecting me badly. Feeling so damn tired day by day.. That I can't even last a day. Feel burnt out by late afternoon. Not even a whole day are gone, when I start to feel so tired and in need of sleep. And apparently it's affecting my sentences also, they say it bahasa as "tunggang langgang" Geh! Bloody drought!

Rambling of a really tired girl

Bewarn, this is a total rambling of mine :) Recently I started going out and having sharing session with my 2 jajal friends (well whenever i'm in KK la), I never thought that "me" would ever join it. Well, let just say I've been the prodigal daughter for so long and it's time for me to clean my act right now. What kind of sharing? Well read on, you would guess it correctly.

Well, the most recent sharing session we had was at Tanjung Aru, but atukoi.... The heat was so unbearable, and the next table beside us was forever looking at our table as we didn't realize we were talking out loud especially the "talak 3" part. So we moved to Yoyo cafe at lintas, and boy it was the best thing we've done that night. Why? Cause the upper level just have the bloody aircond on... And I was in bliss, cause it cooled me down.

Back to the main point, we asked question, we tried to discuss the question and many words were mention. One of the words that made such an impression me that night was from the book of Matthew 6:34

"So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Nice isn't it, it's just what I needed to use so that I can keep on reminding myself that I've been always worrying about tomorrow. And when I start to stop worrying about tomorrow and concentrate on what I can do today, I start to feel much much better. All things that I was worrying before was indeed nothing to worry actually. If it will, it will happen tomorrow then I'll just deal with it tomorrow but not today.

Can't wait for my next trip back home again, I can't wait to be able to call the gurangaks girl anytime to go out for yamcha. Hopefully I can start to plan my moving back to KK in a few months time. It's actually much better to be surrounded by our loves one. Me think 9 years of "merantau" is already too much for me.

He who has a 'why' to live can bear with almost 'any' how

I love this quote by Nietzsche

He who has a 'why' to live can bear with almost 'any how'

The first time I read it, it did not make any sense... but as stubborn as I am as some people that knows me. I kept on reading it till it hit me. It's a simple sentence but it's meaning is simply priceless.

The meaning was simple and simply says that as what I understood

It doesn't matter how bloody hard you think is your life is but if you have one reason/hope/desire you can live through the hardship

So karulann, ;) what is your 'why' in this world? That my dear, me think the reader can already guess :)

ps: It's so hot, but *smirking* as I'm back here in KL... I don't have to suffer the heat at night like it was back home in KK *bliss*, I know I'm just adding to the CO2 using the aircond... but it's so bloody hot!

It's bloody hot

It's bloody hot. It's totally totally hot. It's unbearable. It's drought season and rain simply is too shy to fall down. And some idiots just made the condition worse, by the burning of forest and lands.  Wish I had a bathtub so that I can just filled it up with cold water and lay down in it. Aaaahhhhh, I miss my hotel room at Pakistan...... Geh!!!! It's bloody Hot! Just like the uncle I met just now said "It's like the sun is getting nearer to earth"

What to do when your puppy become aggresive

Cis.. As you guys know I have an indoor puppy.. And I call him Yoyot, he is adorable and playful BUT he have the tendency to play over the top. Where he suddenly, I really mean suddenly turn so bloody aggresive. And it was totally, totally too agressive till the point just now he bite me till I bleed. Just a little, thank goodness for his small teeth. But I realize that he became too dominant, and I had become the slave to him, that he could do anything to me. Which is wrong, he have to learn who is the boss. So I researched online and got a few tips...

1. 'The Alpha Roll' This involves rolling your puppy onto its back and holding it there until it submits
• Verdict: did that and totally failed.. Like "kaput".. He just became extra agressive
2. 'The Submission Shake' This involves shaking the puppy by the scruff of the neck.
• Verdict: NEVER do this.. It got worse and worser, actually it was a mistake. Whoever idea is this is really an idiot.
3. 'Withdrawal/Time out' The most important thing to do is not to give the dog any further attention. Put him in his crate, a spare room, or anywhere else you can find a good spot for him to be alone. Alternatively simply ignore the dog, do not give him any attention, or treats, and don't allow him on his favorite spots, like the couch or the bed.
• Verdict: The best one, this totally work... Just bear the howling, cries and etc. I just ignore him.. till he stop for crying and howling and acting aggressively in the cage/isolation for more than 10 minutes. He will learn that his behaviour is unacceptable.

Well... right now yoyot is currently sleeping beside me. As per now, he has stop being so aggresive and now I have to tell my brother that when he act like that again just put him into the cage and put him outside until he learn that the behaviour is not acceptable. Arrghh, this is why I hate going back to KL again.. When can I finally stay in KK.

Dear lord...

Dear God,

Please give me the strength to go through the whole day today. I know it is my fault that I didn't sleep last nite, and I can't give the reason "need to finish work" as without enough sleep and rest I can't operate the next day. I know too that it's also my own fault that I could not finish my work on time. Due to my slowness? Perfectness? clumsiness? kemalasan? Delaying? Maybe all of it. But please lord, just let me go through today with a clear mind and that I could do my work even though I am really sleepy. And I'll sleep as soon as I board the plane later in the evening.

Amen.

your's truly
karulann

*edit*
ps: :) your's truly are totally a zombie right now... And your's truly has drunk 2 bottle of livita's cause your's truly don't want to take the risk of getting migrain after drinking coffea... geh! I love coffea but had to stop drinking it for fear of migrain..

Flying back again to KK... Geh!

:) Going back again to KK tomorrow. And flying back again.. Truth to be told, I am so tired of boarding a plane and flying back, reason be it's tiring, it's scary, and it's waste of my money.

For the last three months, I've been flying on the plane 10 times exactly. Ya, 10 times! 10 times... And if we go back to a year back at the end of 2008 *remembering,counting,remembering,counting* Ok I lost count, the one that I can remember plus the last three months, I have been flying for more than 50 times. In just in a year and 4 months. Average of 3 flights in a month.

Now you can understand how I'm so tired of flying nowadays. And especially the last flight from KL to KK recently, it was teribble, the weather condition was bad the plane was shaking so badly while trying to land. The plane tried to land a few time but went back up and tried to land again. For me, I'm not scared when the plane is already above the sky. But I'm very particular when it depart and when it land. That's the most important part of a flight.

And talking of seeing the thunder outside your plane, scary. You never know what might happen; if you see stupid birds that went into the plane engine start saying your prayer. Hahaha... Ok I'm just scaring myself again all over nothing. Well, I'm worried but not that paranoid. Cause I know that if it's my time to die. I would die anyhow even if i'm locked in a safe bunk. Although I would prefer to be surrounded by my loved ones when it is my time though :)

Cis, no more talking bout depressing thing. I wanted to share an inspirational words that I receive in my mailbox today,'Choices In Life'.

Choices In Life
Any change, any loss, does not make us victims.
Others can shake you, surprise you or disappoint you.
But they can’t prevent you from moving on.

No matter where you are in life, no matter what your situation, you can always do something.
On every turn of life, you will always have a choice.
And that choice can be your power.

So true isn't it. The reason we become a victim is because we allow ourself to be a victim. When we stop thinking that we are the victims of every situation, then we will see it's actually god way of saying "there's another choice you can take if you want to, it is actually much better than the one you have now so go and make your choice". Like right now, even though it feel like everything that I have and done is failing. But when I look again, it actually is a sign that been pushing me to go back home. Cause no matter what I say to my parent that I will be going back but I never took the first step to make the changes, reason be I'm so comfortable with what I have right now and so scared of making the changes.

ps: I just made my first shopping from a forum for the first time ever. And thank god, it was really the original items and I was not scammed. Cause liars and scammer are so rampant nowadays.

pss: oh, forgot another thing. If you're a single girl flying on a plane. Be also very careful of perverts. You never know when you will be molested. I know, it's mind boggling that you can be molested on a plane with tons of people. But trust me it can happen, it happen to me. Try to get a seat with a girl beside you when you are checkin in. And till today, I really avoid sitting beside guys.

*edit*
psss: I bloody missed my flight...

I can't bloody conceive how this bloody kid just ruin my mood

Let me do a bit of ranting... My mood and motivation to do work flew out of the window, in a snap of a finger.. When I receive a sms from my mom regarding my youngest brother. For once in my life, I can finally understand the horror, emotional roller coaster, anger, hurt, disbelieve and speachlessness of a parent towards their teenagers. I for once want to ask him, the parent gave you everything. Lack of attention some might say. money can't buy averything. That's a total bullshit, they gave you everything inclusive of attention. What else do you need? I really want to pull out my hair right now....

I could not stop from trying to figure out what the hell is with that bloody kid. Then it struck me "Friends"... Often parent forget that friends are one of the main reason that kids go astray... BUT why did not I go astray... I was between the good and bad kid when I was a teenagers.. I got tons of friend, friend that is a good influence but also friend that do drug, escape from school and etc... But why do I turn out good? Arrghhhh heaven knows... I really give up on that bloody kid.. Doesn't he know there are millions of kid out there that would gladly trade place with him.

I'm looking for my happy ending

Cowboys ride into sunsets
The good guy always gets the girl
Cinderella has just fit
The glass slipper that changed her world

We all know the stories
We all know the fairy tales
We all get the glory of making it for ourselves

Well, the pessimist in us might say that, fairy tale is for the weak and is a total bullshit... That life is not a bed of roses but full of thorns.. And that we shouldn't waste our time to want a life like a fairy tale or even dream of happy endings just like in the movies. But then can you imagine life without wanting a happy ending or dreaming to have a life like in the fairy tale, facing each day with such a pessimist attitude. It's not like I don't know that there would be thorns all over the bed of roses, but did that kept us from wanting the roses.

From the beginning
We're all looking for a happy ending
Every dream of winning
Every love we've been in
Right from the beginning
We're looking for a happy ending

If we look into cinderalla story, didn't she faced hardship before becoming the princess? Or Snow white, her stepmother tried to kill her! Well I agree that we can't expect a knight in shining armor come and save us, but then can't we dream of wanting to be with a person that is 'the one' for us. That one person that when we look at him, we know for sure that he is 'the one'. The one that even if he is imperfect in the eyes of others but in our eyes only he is 'perfect', with his flaws and everything.

We've come here with nothing
And take it with us the day we leave
The first and last breath don't matter
It's all the ones that are in-between
It's the reason for living
it's the reason the caged bird sings
It's why we see it in the movies
All the way to the closing scenes

And that my dear, is the happy ending that i'm looking for but not only I'm chasing for the happy ending I'm planning to have sequal of the the fairy tale. It won't end like in the movies, well I guess till I die... :) But if I have a child then I guess the fairy tale never ends as it will continue :)

And all those dreamers who have come and gone
Who've reached for the stars, who've overcome
You're the hope, you're the wish, you're the truth
Baby, here's the proof

Baby's born in the ghetto
Baby's born with a silver spoon
One tells his Mama I have a dream
One tells his Mama I want the moon

ps: Forgot to mention ;) from my all time fav band. A song by Sugarland, titled "Happy Ending"...
pss: can't sleep, work not done, but at least I have blogged for today *smirk*.. totally unproductive :) Let me say it again, bloody wednesday...

Deciding on a new camera as if I'm making the decision between life and death

Tsk! The title of this post which is quite long by the way, summarized what I'm dealing right now. I've been trying to decide on a point and shoot camera to buy. At first I have decided to buy the Lumix LX3, but there is one thing that I dont like about it. The optical zoom is only 2.5, which is kinda pathetic for that kind of camera.

So here I'm back again searching online, checking reviews and asking people which is the best point and shoot camera that:

• Have above 4.0 optical zoom
• Provide raw image
• High ISO
• Have manual setting
• Can take good picture in low light

Tsk.. This is why I hate choices and now I hate the feeling of

"I have to satisfied, I want that one perfect camera"

Maybe thats why I tend to get dissapointed in life, chasing over perfection when I should understand that nothing can be perfect, well I know that but I just want to be satisfied with the things I bought using my hard earned money. Again Tsk!

Urrgh, finally I decided to get either:

1. Lumix LX3
2. Powershot S90
3. Canon IXUS 85 IS + Nikon Zoom lense (for my D40, just in case anyone though I was going to use it for the IXUS.. which obviously we can't)

There see, after a long day of deliberating... I'm finally down to three choices.... urggggghhh so it's down to choosing either (1) or (2) or (3) again urghhhhh

ps: I suddenly remember the story of the Plato asking his teacher, "What is love? .. check it out here... Now I might be making the same mistake like that... Cis! Oh ya, I nearly forgot... Bloody camera

"Things happen for a reason" an overused sentence but apparently it is true

Well, it's been quite sometime since my last post. And I did mention in my last post that I would be taking a break from blogging till I'm A-OK.. So as I'm starting to blog again, it means that I'm A-OK already, actually it's triple A-OK. The past few weeks ago, was not exactly hell but instead it's the total opposite of it. To decide to let go is not easy, it's really for me the hardest thing cause I'm the type to keep on hoping and trying so bloody hard to get that one thing that I want, cause it's not easy for me to 'know for sure' what I want. So when I know what I really want, I tend to hold on it for better or for worse.

So when that particular moment a few week ago, that 1 second that I just decided that 'it's enough'. All the burden were lifted from my shoulder. Those negative feeling, those hurt it all dissapear in an instance. I really feel peaceful within in me. It's like all those hours of hurts and tears seem never to happen. And at that moment too, I learn one very important lesson. That is "when things don't go the way we want it to go, leave it to Jesus, and let go of it, some thing are just not meant to be cause God has better plan for me" and I also at that moment too remembered the main reason that I did the thing I did last time. But that is best left untold except to few of my confidante.

So this would truly be the LAST post I will post regarding this emo thing that I faced. And truthfully I feel a lot better now that I've stopped wanting it. That I've faced my demon and let go of everything that has been bothering me. At least now I can accept that there is a reason as to why things happen the way it happen. I really got to know myself and to be able to change myself to become a much better person. I am also lucky for I was given the opportunity which not many peoples that I know to work and live in another country and a quite dangerous country as per the situation is. And I really loved the it, which not may people can experience. Also I've met many peoples that now has become precious friend of mine.

So cheers to the new me, ngehehehe! I really do feel so peaceful, although there are those rare time where I do feel down but I don't feel the regrets anymore. Things happen for a reason, and I trust the lord that he has better plan for me. Ngehehehe and thank god, that one teeny ennsy weensy problem has been solved... And I swear never again I will be put in that position again, and that is one of thing that help me to move on. It was the feeling that "I don't want it to happen". Phewwwwwwww!!!!!

ps: Mwahahaha.. I can't stay away from blogging.. but I made sure that I am already emotionally stable *scratch head* ok, let me rephrase it again.. I made sure that I won't lapse into posting disgustingly emo post ever again, talking bout my *lil* hurt feeling *content smile*... A much better explaination *evil grin* It might be my bloody PMS creeping up to me or is it the big three zero hmmmphhhhhhhh.