Me and a new baby

Gleefully I'm posting a very short post, just to gleefully tell you guys that I got a new baby to pamper with. Me got a new pup today, although it is not as handsome as it's other siblings but I pick it cause I wanted a black puppy... So it's gonna be a black short leg short hair dog... Need to train it to come running to me whenever I whistle just like the other dog. Gleefully I'm feeding it or actually my mom was feeding it... And I just pass the food to 'it'. Not sure what to call it yet, but most probably "yoyot" :)  So now after gleefully playing with him.. Gonna take a quick shower first....

ps: Anyone know where to get a cat/kitten which is the "HUGE" kind one, like the "Maine Coon" breed. I'm looking for the really huge kind of a cat :) here in Kota Kinabalu... Really appreciate it if anyone could give me some info

I would be good, i would feel great and I'm loving it....

Somehow try as we might, there would be a minute when we do think negatively. Thinking of the past mistake, about what if I my result was this, what if I apply other thing, what if I'm different, what if etc etc etc. I do that sometimes, but now I try to stop myself from doing that even for a second, feeling sorry for yourself. All those negativity all those *ewww* feeling, is poison. Rather than wasting my time to feel sorry for myself, I'm learning how try to look at things differently, trying to act and think more positively, and do something entirely different. Like blogging personal thoughts of mine like this post, which is a big no-no to me in the past. I would never dream of writing such a personal way, opening my self to others.

Well here's another song which I really love. And I would like to say out loud,

that I would be good even if I did nothing
that I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
that I would be good if I got and stayed sick
that I would be good even if I gained ten pounds

So what if at this moment, it feels like the whole world is against me. So what if the things that I wanted so much look so bloody too far from my grasps. I would say it again that,

that I would be fine even if I went bankrupt
that I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
that I would be great if I was no longer queen
that I would be grand if I was not all knowing

that I would be loved even when I numb myself
that I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
that I would be loved even when I was fuming
that I would be good even if I was clingy

PS: I really love this song, and would attempt to sing along, albeit it would sound as if a dog was strangled.

Saturday morning with U2

Sometimes it's really nice to listen to old songs. Here is a song by U2, a beautiful day... Nice one to listen at 12am on a Saturday morning. Had been sleeping like a log for nearly a day now, blame it on the flu medicine that I took. And now woke up but still the bloody flu is still raging at it's best. And I do not want to take the flu medicine again, it just made me feel like so "blur sotong". So hmmm hmmm it's a beautiful dayssssssss... Me love the song, but apparently the mother was complaining bout it, so hmmpp kacau my song enjoyment moment. So where's my earphone.... Wore it and back into my own la-la land with U2.



What I love about this song, is the lyric at the end.

What you don't have you don't need it now
What you don't know you can feel it somehow
What you don't have you don't need it now
Don't need it now
Was a beautiful day

Another complaint for today...

Short post today, as I just wanted to complain. I don't know why but I feel so tired this past few days. Not the normal kind of tired, it's excessive tiredness. Even now I just woke up, but I feel so tired as if I didn't have enough sleep. That and my cramping stomach urgh! Also my flu, it's getting worse, I did not want to start eating the flu medicine but I hate having blocked nose, sore throat and sneezing like hell.

Urgh! I hate it, I'm suppose to be feeling so rested as I'm in my holiday at home for a whole week, but seems like I'm getting sick. Bleh!

There I just sneeze 3 times in a row......

I need Something More......

Most of you notice that obviously I love country song... Noticeably by the song's I've posted. Here's another song which I totally love. Especially the lyric itself. It echo what I wanted to say out loud when words fail me.

Five years and there's no doubt
That I'm burnt out, I've had enough
So now boss man, here's my two weeks
I'll make it short and sweet, so listen up
I could work my life away, but why?
I got things to do before die

Life is short why waste it hating the whole world day in and day out, hating to wake up every morning, hate to go to work, hate to not have anything to do and etc etc etc... I can't wait for that d-day for me to be able to say "Here's my two week....". Just be patient for a few more months karul..

There's gotta be something more
Gotta be more than this
I need a little less hard time
I need a little more bliss
I'm gonna take my chances
Taking a chance I might
Find what I'm looking for
There's gotta be something more

Heck right, told you the lyric totally echo what I wanted to say out loud. So Armageddon or any *tut* thing can go and *tut* for all I care... I need a "me" time just for "me"

To drink some red wine and celebrate
Armageddon could be knocking at my door
but I ain't gonna answer thats for sure.

Be careful of your spelling, it make a hell lot of a difference

Mwahahahahaha... This is why we need to really double check our spelling before sending something.


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I bet she will forever asking the question

This one is hilarious, never thought that it really happen...


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I wonder when she she would know what IDK meant....

Me announcement of the day!

I'm gonna say it out loud for the first time ever, had to get this bloody thing out and then forget about it. And yes it is very personal thing that I'm gonna say. most of my close friends already knew what has happen and truthfully I am very grateful for them as they did not judge me...

I'm finally single for the first time since 10 years

Phew, although it seems pathetic especially at my age, but I just had to say it. And well, well I'm bloody relieve and also estactic about saying it out loud. Although it does need some adjustment being single as it is. Learning to accept that now it's only 'me' at the moment. I can finally concentrate on making myself happy. Not that my last relationship was bad, it was good, damn good is what I want to brag.

We had a very good chemistry, we were the best of friend, and I was finally able to be 'myself' when I'm with that person. Hah, it was terible to him as I never tried to become a person that I think he would want me to act. But it was the difference in belief, that was the main obstacle. I can't and never would accept that for the sake of being with a person I would need to be able to change my belief. I can't, as I love "The person above" more than anyone else even if I am not actually a very good person and a religous as it is. And that is one of the two main reason that I could not give my best to him, and for that I really have to apologive to him.

So after being together for so bloody long, we made the decision finally. It was actually hard but also a relief cause it is just hard to keep on holding to something that you know in your heart are just not meant to be.

Well let bygone be bygone. I'm starting to take a step forward, although I did stumble at my first step, thought why not I try to get something back but at the end of the day I stumble, scrape and hurt a bit. And now got up back again and are taking the second step forward, I realize that I'm not ready to get my heart hurt again. I'm not that bloody strong, so I'm taking it easy. I'm going to enjoy my singlehood, spending more time with the family and friends and especially "Him" above. Travelling and gonna do the things I never thought I would have the courage to do. And for this year I already have a list of to do:

1) Learn swimming
2) Go for Scuba-diving
3) Get a driver license
4) Travelling solo for the 1st time ever
5) Go for Bungy-jumping
6) Going learn something else, go for a certification
7) Make a career change, not just change job but do other thing other than IT
8) and learn how to arrange flower beautifully

And I would like add more and more and more and more BUT, those list above is already too much for a year as it is. So For this year I must do all in the above list.

Can't bloody wait for my first solo trip to Bali in August, I have even named it as the "Single honeymoon Bali Vacation". I've book the best hotel, Mundok Moning Plantation, oh such a bloody nice resort.... I love how secluded it is. Oh I better learn to swim before the trip cause they have such a gorgous swimming pool with the best view. Ohhh, I'm already salivating imagining how bloody exciting it is for the trip....

A long respite from the WWW

Tsk... Now I understand the feeling of having crappy streamyx connection. It's a pain in the a**/a***... Been calling tmnet for support and each and every time I had to explain the same bloody thing and at the same time I had to follow the "standard procedure" of checking the problem ie, is the light blinking; is the phone line working; can you go to command promt and type these command...

Arrgghh, bloody infuriating I've told them again and again I have check it on my own all those thing.. The bloody password and username is correct and the bloody DSL light is available and stable. Also went into modem configuration check the diognastic check.. It is saying that it can't bloody connect to the main PPP server. So for gawd sake, it's not a problem at my side it's your own server problem, so bloody sent for the technician. Geh! And I was just able to get online after a few infuriating days waiting for the streamyx internet prob to be solve (if they only listen to me)...

:) Well all is not lost, as I was just able to check my mail. I was pleasently surprised by one mail which I receive. It's nice, it's totally a nice surprise... Got an inspiring mail that goes like this.

Something Better For You
When something happens to you - Good or Bad; Consider what it means.
There’s a purpose to life’s events, to teach you how to laugh more or not to cry too hard.

When you feel down because you didn’t get what you want, just sit tight and be happy.
God has thought of something better to give you.

So true, there might be reason I wasn't able to get online.. I manage to finish reading a book which I totally adored. Well let's talk bout that in the next post.

Well, it also hit a nail in one thing I was trying to be strong to get. I should not tried to swim against the current instead I should flow with the current and I will get there someday. I should just square my shoulder, look forward, smile sweetly at any obstacle and take a first step to move on. Which I will do, it's enough already I'm not going to beg anymore. I deserve better, and I do believe that I am much better person now and I can offer more of the better of me now.

As a very close friend of mine said to me,

"Don't rush, do the thing you can and want to do right now, how about concentrate on your career change that you wanted to do. Go and do that"

So yep, thanks to that person advice I'm gonna concentrate on myself and strive to make me happy first :)

I am regretfully a genius!

I don't know what is it with me, sometime I feel like I'm this kind of a natural born clown. Well I wanted to say idiot but hey who call themself an idiot. Only total idiot would call them self idiot. Hmmmmmmm...

Well, there are tons on incident which I can't and don't want to remember. SO today I just added one clown act I did today.

Was at home, relaxing while surfing the web and doing the thing I normally do... Didn't went to the wedding of my relative as there need to be someone to look after the house while the hired painter was painting the living room.

Suddenly someone came to the house and we the conversation as below:

Person: "Where is your dad? I'm suppose to get something from him"
Me: Oh he's not here at the moment, he went to attend a wedding [ in my mind I was thinking (Who the h*ll is this person?) ]
Person: Ok, did he cooked already the thing that was asked?
Me: oh not sure about it. Let me just check. [ heeee, since when did my dad become a part time cook]
Person: Ok.. cause I need to bring it back tomorrow morning.

At this point I was so confuse, 'blur sotong' as some say.... Since when did my dad start cooking for others. I know he cooks delicious food, but then....

Then I asked my sister, "Bong, who is he?"... And that bloody sister, she suddenly pause for a few second and look so bloody shocked before saying.

Don't tell me you don't remember your own uncle

Yup, of all the thing, I forgot my own uncle. *Slap head* No wonder he looks so bloody familiar, cause he was bloody my uncle. And I even took a bath with his son (my cousin) together last time when I was a kid... That mean we were close... Mwahahahaha....ok, if my aunt were to read this she would be horiffied. And if my mom would to get know of it she would kill me literally. Wow, as Hussnain would say "Carol, you are a genius!" each and everytime I would do a blunder like this..

ps: Thank goodness my uncle did not realize that I didn't recognize him :) LOL
pss: Aunt Alice, if you're reading... :) plz don't look so horrify :)
pss: I'm am a total Genius!

Total rambling of total genius

I was actually packing, been delaying like from last nite. So when I woke up I was busy with work. And now I'm starting to pack the bloody bag and my room look likes shipwreck.. Bags here and there, clothes strewn all over the place, thrash and plastics all over the place. Geh!

And while I was packing up, I found my corset that I bought last time. So I thought to my self, "Why not wear it"... So after struggling to try to wear, here I am sitting in front of the laptop bragging that I manage to wear it. And it feels so bloody good. The one thing I love is that I can control my food intake.. Wearing this bloody thing stop me from putting too much in my mouth.

So after wasting like 15min just to wear the bloody corset and admiring the "konon" slim figure. I wasted another few min to blog and rest... Heck, never knew that wearing corset is hard work...

Well enough of rest and stupid rambling.. Off me go to pack again and clean my room as I have to go to the airport at 4pm.. Ngehehehe, yup.. I'm going back again to home sweet KK again this month...

Staying just for the sake of empty promises

Sometimes I wonder why I keep on staying in one place even though I've been dissapointed over and over again by empty promises. It's totally tiring. You gave your all but at the end of the day, you just grew fed-up with the situation. You've tried too believe but again at the end of the week. You got dissapointed as the promises stay as word.

I need my money! I really need my money! And I really need my EPF being paid... Haihhhhhhhhh, well let me stay as long as I can stand.

Be very careful on what we say, so that we may not become the next Farhani Tarmizi

Don't have enough sleep is bad, that is a fact but having too much sleep is also as bad as having less sleep... I've been so bloody sleepy these past few days that I wanted to sleep as much as I can, and yesterday evening I decided to come back early and get my needed rest. And yes I sleep early at 8PM and I bloody woke up or actaully forcefully had to wake up at 5AM... And now instead of feeling rested I feel extra sleepy. Geh! Too little is not good but too much is also the same....

Move on to another topic, have you heard of the "Farhani Tarmizi" that wanted to insult a woman but unfortunately she she didn't just insulted only the woman but all the woman from a particular state... It was a good way to waste time, so went info hunting and found tons of blogs, even fan hate club of her and tried to check on her blog.

It was damn hilarious, I realize that when we are mad we tend to forget that being angry don't give us the right to insult anyone cause at the end of the day whether we are right or wrong, the insults that we throw out of our mouth just ridicules us back. And if there's any lesson to learn at all from this Farhani Tarmizi episode, it would be,

Anything you posted on Facebook is not private, so be VERY careful on what you posted

So *ehem* it would be not only a reminder to her but to me also, what I say and act will always come back to haunt me, "BE VERY CAREFUL, KARUL!" mwahahaha...

More failbooking :)

Can't get enough of failbooking.com...

Nice response to unwanted and uneeded attention from some annoying people


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Reason why no parent should be added on facebook? :)


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Bloody thing is back to haunt me....

Tried nearly all the method to sleep but somehow the bloody thing is back. What bloody thing, some kind of insomia thingy of mine. I barely able to sleep last nite, woke up every one hour and have to force myself to sleep. Took lavender thingy tea to relax, tried counting sheep and did some yoga thingy to relax...

But all of it failed miserably, the tea made me feel so bloated in the middle of the nite, I gave up counting at 13 it was unbearable to count sheep and the yoga thingy just made me more alert and less sleepy. And at the end of the day or nite I suppose, I just force my eyes close and pretend that I am sleeping.

Barely could open my eyes now, barely can even type this post, absolutely not in the condition to work even, been controling the yawn since morning especially during the early morning meeting with some client, want to to back but even that I am not in the condtion to walk, *counting, counting* ok checked, wallet got enough $$$$,; gonna take a cab,. First I need to call them... *YAWN* Hopefully I can bear it till I reach home...

Failbooking status!!!!

Just had to share this... The guy that replied seriously is good in translating "unidentified sentence"



And this teach us not to add your grandma on facebook... :)


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Bloody need a timeout!!!!!!!

Gonna do ton's of irrational complaints *evil grin*. I'm so bloody tired this week, thought that I could at least rest this weekend but NO there's tons of work be done. And cause of work I slept really early last nite, at 5am. Early isn't it. I told myself this week, that I want to go to Church. But aiyo woke up at 8.45 this morning. And I could only attend the English session which is at 9 this morning as I can't bloody understand Tamil and Chinese. Hated the feeling of missing mass when I'm so excited to go. Hish all because of the bloody work I slept late. And I still have tons to do.

Argghhhhh, I hate my work. I used to love it but now I hate it. Being a programmer is like being a slave, it's tons of hard work that needs tons of time, and worse is when you're juggling 3 things at one time. Till the point you just don't want to do any work at all. Yesterday, I wasted 5 hours in the afternoon to just lay down and slept cause I was so tired from working in the weekdays. And that is not even enough for me... I need my rest!!!!!

Every single day, I woke up just to see my face so tired.. I got a bloody eye bag, wrinkle are starting to become so bloody visible, even my skin condition are getting worse. I hate it. Even with the tons of skincare I put on my face, won't help my face. I just need to have a good nite rest. Stop sleeping at 3 or 4 or 5 am and waking up 4 hours after that.

Gah! I just had to get out of the house, thank goodness I had made a date with my kaki jalan friend. To go out for Dim Sum albeit a halal one... And went for some stress reliever window shopping. But as soon as I reach home, I can't even think of work although I have to submit some printscreen by today.. Humphhhh, one major demotivation of work is because of salary. Imagine not beind paid for 2 months... No point of high salary if you don't get paid on time. I need my money, I got tons of thing to do. Geh!!!!!! And now I'm wasting 10 minutes of my precious time to blog here *slap head* Gerrrrrrr... I just bloody need my rest!!!!!!!!!!!

*phew* ok, complaints are done.. Now need to concentrate on work...

Bloody question

Should or should I not? Why...? Then...? When...? What...? Every single bloody nite I kept on thinking of these question, which remained unanswered.

:) Well, what to do? The only thing I can do at the moment. Cross my finger, hope that tomorrow would be a better day, believe that all those bloody question will be answered at the right time and just bloody go to sleep....

I'm Thankful that I'm Alive

Some people say that life is hard, and sometimes we feel like life is so bloody unfair. But we forgot that life is like that, life is hard and also at the same time easy. This song is like a slap of cold water on my face, start from the very first verse...

So damn easy to say that life’s so hard
Everybody’s got their share of battle scars
As for me I’d like to thank my lucky stars that
I’m alive, and well

So yeah, I'm trying to stop complaining about what I don't have or what has been done. And I'm proud to say I'm slowly succeeding... Mwahahaha

Air asia Sucks!

Forgive me to those that wanting to come here and read me ranting about airasia. Ya, I know that there are some incidents that make your heart boil, and you may need to complain a little. Hey, who hasn't.. I've also been gossiping with friends about some of the bad incident with air asia. Bout, how slow their check-in service is, how the plane is delayed, how come the food finish as soon as it is my turn, how I missed my flight by being late just a mere 5 minutes, the hidden charges and other etc...

But heck wait a minutute and let us ponder for awhile.... Hmmmmm

1) Slow check-in from AirAsia counter service, isn't that because of the tons of boxes and bag some idiot want to check-in then arguing with the check-in counter bacause it cost them hand and leg to pay.... Why don't idiot just sent the stuff through post or airmail (hint:much damn cheaper)... Or also haven't you heard of web check-in or mobile check-in?

2) Delayed plane, well there are tons of reason a plane is delayed.... It might be because of earlier flight is delayed, traffic jam among the plane to land (ya, for your information there is also traffic among the plane to depart and land), technical problem with the plane etc etc... Well, it's not like they want it to be delayed. That is the worst thing to happen to airline is having plane delayed.. So for us, of delayed more than what 2 or 3 hour we can always claim back from AirAsia don't we... And if there is technical problem with a plane, by gawd please repair it properly, take your time, I certainly don't want to jeorpadize my safety.

3)Why the food always finish fast, why not enough food on board.. That's when our own cleverness come... Just bloody bring your own food (hish, as if they can throw you out of the plane. But be considerate with your neighbour all halal plz) or just bloody reserve it early la when you are buying the ticket first. People! Be more clever!

4) Ranting because AirAsia won't allow you to check-in even if you're late for 10 minutes, then don't complain if the plane is delayed because of fools that don't check-in within the time. Just come an hour early or do web check-in la genius. For airasia it has already been mention over and over again that you are not allowed if you check-in within 45 min before flight...

5) Complaints of hidden charges, or how AirAsia is forcing us to pay for things we don't want. By gawd, how stupid are you... They are a company that is trying to capitalize profit... They are a business!!!! Then become more intelligent than them la, before paying them remove the travel insurance, try not to pay using credit card (because of the extra service charge imposed), try not to change your travel plan that you need to change the flight date, buy tickets when there is free seat promotion, etc etc etc etc... Aiyoyo, this also want to complaint...

Me, I actually adore AirAsia cause if there is no AirAsia I won't be able to go home back to KK nearly every month. Cause of the competition between AirAsia and MAS... Tickets is getting cheaper. I can also choose to fly MAS cause sometimes MAS ticket is cheaper than AirAsia (but also have the same limitation as in AirAsia)...

Paying 10% more for goods this year

Short post full of complain:

:( we'll be going to start to pay 10% more for things this year especially after Chinese New Year! Booooooo, so that bloody means my "burger banjo" will cost me RM2? Booooooooooo, the poor will become poorer and the rich will not even give a damn

Cryin for me

I'm not ashamed to say that my eye teared listening to this song by Toby Keith. It made me remember the day I lost my very important person, my grandpa. The regrets that I didn't find the time to go back and spend time with him. The day I came back just to see his cold body in the coffin was too much for me.

That's why, I remind myself every single day to not regret of not doing something for the peoples that is important to me. What's important is not the future, but the present.

I'm going to miss that smile
I'm going to miss you my friend
Even though it hurts the way it ended up
I'd do it all again

So play it sweet in heaven
Cause thats right where you want to be
Im not cryin cause I feel so sorry for you
I am cryin for me

me gonna swim finally

In the spur of the moment, I decided to take up swimming lesson. My close friend know that I can't swim even if my life depend on it, can't swim is one thing but I can't even float. Now how pathetic is that, I'll blame it on one incident that nearly cost me my life when I was younger, that bloody so-called trauma. And now each and every time me and the friends went to the swimming pool, all I can bloody do is

a) pretend that I can swim but just too lazy to swim ie laying down on the bench. Pretending to be a tai-tai

b) show to everyone in the swimming pool that I can't swim by just hanging around the wall of pool and pathetically trying to do the doggy swim which ended tragically.

So ya, I signed up for a "private" swimming lesson and no the trainer is not a hunk it's madame ok... So once I can bloody swim, I can finally go for my scuba diving lesson... Mwahahahaaaaaaaa... *gasp* what the bloody hell did I just did, a swimming lesson!

I'm slowing it down and I'm looking around

Sometimes I easily forget that I have limited time on earth and keep on rushing to move forward to accomplish one thing. That when I was stop in the middle of whatever I was doing, I'm surprised of how things around of me have changed and I didn't even notice about it. Last year was a horrible yet life-changing year for me. And because of last year, I knew for sure what I need to do. Me love the song below as it really hit the nail of what I want to change in my life.

So now I'm slowing it down and I'm looking around
And I'm lovin this town and I'm doing alright
Aint' worried 'bout nothing cept for the man I wanna be
I'm thinking maybe it's time to be livin' the rhyme
When I'm singing a song about nothing but right
And it's sure be nice if you would roll with me

It's kind of sad when some got extreme and don't care if anyone got hurt..

It was actually shocking but at the same time a ticking bomb too... Churches now are being attacked by some extreme people. We want to get mad, we want to lash back but stop and remember what did Jesus said when he was suffering and dying on the crucifax.

“Forgive Them, Father, They Do Not Know What They are Doing.” (Luke 23:34)

So I will also do the same, I will forgive those who did the attack because they do not know what they are doing.

What I learnt from living independant of the family

Living independent for nearly a decade (fuuuuyohhhh feel like an old maid already)... I learnt that:

If you don't clean your dishes, you won't have a clean plate to put your pasta that you just cooked

Same goes for clothes, you'll end up deciding either to re-use or take emergency leave

Trying to do grocery for one person is hard, there's a lot of thing you could not buy as at the end of week it would rot away.. tsk so wasteful... there goes my potatoes or what used to be the potatoes

You'll begin to talk to yourself, well at least no one will shush me when I talk too much

You get demotivated to cook for one person, it's bloody hard to cook for just one tiny portion... Try to buy grocery for 1 person is already hard as it is

If you're back late and so blardy tired, no one will ever wait for you at the door with hot tea

Responsibility that I can't handle...

I've been actually thinking of getting a cat or dog last year. Each and everytime I passed by a pet shop, I would stop and longingly look at the pets.

Then I would start to want to touch and pet them, want to call them, want to play with them, want to cuddle them when and just plain love them. But each and everytime I'm at the verge of deciding to get them, I turned around and ran away quicly as if someone is pursuing me with a machete. Cause I bloody know that having a pet especially in KL and living in apartment is a huge responsibility. These pet that are bought from the hundreds of petshop available need to be care like you're taking care of you're own baby.

The amount of time that I need to give to play with them, it's not like I can just pick my time when to play with them. Especially dogs, they are an emotional drainer. You need to really LOVE them... And the responsiblity to take care of them doesn't come cheap which I don't think I am able to spend more on them. Going to the vets, special shampoo, special food etc etc, all those is costing a hell lot of money which right now I don't have to spare. As I don't want to choose between my travelling plan and pets.

The main reason I wanted to get a cat or dog is because I feel so bloody lonely staying here in KL. I'm beginning to talk with my laptop, and that's bloody critical. Next I would be having fights with my bathroom door that is so bloody asshole cause it kept getting in my way in and out of the bathroom. Oh ya! I'm already fighting with the bloody door, there I'm really at a critical stage. Don't want to be one of the Tanjung Rambutan occupant, just because I'm starting a fight with the bloody door.

So now I have just to bear it for a while the bloody loneliness that kept on creeping now and then cause I bloody have decided to go back my hometown this year. By hook or crook, I would be back with the peoples that I love.

Butttttttttt the german sheppard in the shop below my office is so bloody cute especially when he use his big puppy eye at me, begging me to care for her.... Ahhhh the temptation...

Life used to be but sometimes there are those time is still is a maze....

In just a few more years (very few) I'm gonna touch the dreaded 3-0... OOOOOHHHH so not scary... Well, what can I say I've been stumbling along this past few bloody years. And right now, I like to think that I finally am clear of what I want to be and who I am right now. And at the very least I know what I want in life already... But somehow there are times where I feel like i'm still lost just like in the song below. And that would be the time where I will just enjoy the moment. As there is no point to worry about what has pass by and what shall come in the future.. Uiyohhh me like that kind of a thinking....

Yeh I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go
Can't do it alone I've tried
And I don't know why
I am just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared, but I don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down I know
I got to let it go
And just enjoy the show

Much ado about nothing again

It's too bloody peaceful here in Malaysia, there's not much of 'terror' going on. No suicide bomber going off now and then... Maybe that's why we do need to have some protest regarding some issue on the rights to use "Allah". Not going to comment on it as I have a very unhealthy comment on that particular issue.

Somehow my bible is from Indonesia, and it also uses the particular word. But I don't hear any protest in Indonesia regarding the usage of it. Some more there is suicide bomber attack there... Hmm I wonder, there are other more pressing issue, like drugs addiction among teenager, child being abuse, child kidnapping, child being rape, corruptions end etc... But what are our Malaysian people are doing.. Protesting on the rights to use the word... Hmmm, somehow it show how hypocrite people are.

Point to ponder, why is it from the East of Malaysia there is no problem at all... Hmmm somehow it just come down to one word "Supremancy" of a certain group.

I Just Haven't Met You Yet

And Somehow I Know That It Will All Turn Out
And You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid I'll Give So Much More Than I Get
I Just Haven't Met You Yet

Me need something to cheer me up, and I re-heard this song... It's so bloody cute... So have I or have I not met him yet? ;) I am not sure, although I want to be sure but me think it's much better to not to be sure... As life is bloody unpredictable, learnt that the hard way... Maybe my timing always suck, as in the song it's saying... So here I am enjoying life by the second, not worrying of what will happen in the future. Doing the thing I want to do right now and not regretting of not doing it even if I will stumble at the end of the road. Better to regret doing it instead of regret not doing it.

I Might Have To Wait
I'll Never Give Up
I Guess It's Half Timing
And The Other Half's Luck

So I'm not going to bloody give up...

Relief to the heart - Tanka #3

Bright day turning dark,
Slowly raindrop start falling,
Faster and faster,
And then it stop falling,
Bringing relief to the heart.

How easily we can hurt another

What was I been doing in my free time today? Well I've been reading my previous posting from the very first post that I wrote. I just realize that it had been 3 years since I started blogging.

I start to read from the first post, and I started saying 'ewwwww' ;) I totally cringe at reading some of the post that I have written. Some were plain childish, some were totally retarded and there are a few which is hurtful. I won't be deleting those post, although it is really tempting for me to do it. Reason be, it is part of me of who I am still and who I was previously, and these post will reminds me to not be the person that I do not want to be.

Few of the post that I wrote did hurt someone, a person whom I used to call a friend. I wish I hadn't wrote it, cause heck it is the internet. Whatever you posted on the web, will surely find it's way to anyone whether you want it or not. Now reading it back, I really regretted the way I wrote it. It came out wrong, what happen did hurt me but I should never tried to write it in a way that it hurt other person and at the same time ridicules me.

Well let bygone be bygone... All I can do right now is learn the lesson and move on. Though we may never be friend anymore I do wish the other person the best of luck.

So what lesson did I learnt, well it's easily explained by a Malay proverb "Terlajak Perahu Boleh Ditarik, Terlajak Kata Tak Dapat Ditarik"

The apple in other hand - Tanka #2

Eye longing for the apple,
In other hand it is held,
Wanting to taste it,
But one bite the other face grimace,
Not of sweet but of sourness

Beautiful meaing from just a few words

I never thought that i would love to read poem and trying to understand the meaning behind each and every wordit uses.. But when I read like the below one, it just blow out my mind. It's so beautiful, I wonder how a few words, written together can have such a simple but beautiful meaning behind it...

from my palm
she takes the apple . . .
and it’s understood
our time is not
for ever
— Michael McClintock

Why I love 2010

The movie releases for 2010 is just totally awesome... Below is the movie which I'am totally, totally, totally will watch by hook or by crook.

February
----------
1) Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief - Interesting enough to watch.. and I loved the Trailer...

2) Shutter Island - Leornado Dicaprio, what other reasons do I need.

March
----------
1) Clash of the Titans - Pegasus and Kraken!!!!!! Mythical story, I'm yours baby....

May (I love may)
----------
1) Iron Man 2 - MUST WATCH!!!!!! No need explaination just need to WATCH.... War Machine....

2) Robin Hood

3) Shrek - It's back again!!!!!

4) Prince of Persia - It better be good cause I'm so into it...

July
----------
1) The Inception - Leonardo DiCaprio.. Again, do I need more reason...

2) Salt - Spy, double agent, CIA and Angelina Jolie.... ;)

3) Little Fockers - Sequel of the Meet the focker, I am a sucker for comedy especially if Ben Stiller and Robert De Niro is in it.

August
----------
1) The Expendable - Just imagine Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis, Dolph Lundgren, Jet Li, Jason Statham, Randy Couture, Steve Austin, Danny Trejo, Mickey Rourke, and Terry Crews all in one movie... Bloody interesting, no need to explain more...

November
----------
1) Harry Potter - Need no more explaination

My first tanka (a japanese style poetry)

Challenging myself to write tanka...

slowly the heart cried,
wanting to stop time flowing,
mind body stop moving,
empty eye searching wildly,
the hand that reach out to me. --karulann--

Wishing something imposible...

How I wish I can go back to being a kid and have no worry at all knowing that I just need to go over to my parent and tell them to make the bad thing go away, and in an instant they will make everything alright....

Just like the kids below, playing without any cares wanting to only enjoy the moment. Took the pic at Tanjung Aru Shangri-la and was so engrossed watching them playing that nearly I miss the sunset that I wanted to see when we(me and the girls) were pretending to be hotel guests wandering around the hotel beach ;)

The hurt or the beauty of a bed of roses...

The last past few years, I had a long list of new year resolution which I never seem to be able to complete even half of it. But for this year, I started the year with only one new year resolution...

I will strive to be happy and not depend on others to make me feel happy by doing something instead of just wishing and wanting

I have been unhappy for quite some time, i have become so jaded about life till the point I really hated my life. It's like everything is falling apart, and at the lowest time of my life I really broke down. That was last year, I don't even want to remember that time. Suffice to say it was horrible. And I pray to God that I would never feel the same way ever again.

But then, I'm so thankful for my family and my friends. They are and will always be my strength that God has given to me.

Writing this post was actually an inspiration from another blog, a pretty well known blogger. Reading her blog, somehow it console me just a bit as it remind me that all of us have problems. And it depend on how we are to cope with it. Will we sink or float?

And that one sentence she wrote, her life as a bed of rose would she see only the hurt or only beauty. Life is not a bloody "Cinderella".. I've experienced that, one moment I thought I had everything and the next moment I've lost it due to my own stupidity. But then life is full of twist, even thought I did a stupid mistake but through that bloody mistake I gain other thing. One which for me is the most important is I learn who I really am. I started to see my own weaknesses and also my strength. Ironic isn't it, I had to lose precious thing before I can learn who I really am.

I want to be happy that's all I want for this new year. So I'm taking the steps to
be happy. And I will try to see that life as a bed of roses includes the hurt and the beauty.

Post Mortem of last day of 2009 and first day of 2010..

It was bloody nice to be able to finally celebrate Christmas and Birthday and New Year all in a week of my holiday... Been eating non-stop since I arrive home in KK on the 24th (there goes my diet) till now... But not gonna talk bout it yet, that my dear would be for the next post. My dear watson.. ;)

So what did you guys did on the last day of 2009, did you manage to sit back and think of everything that have happen; the good and also the bad thing? Well for me I did not, as I woke up and was totally feeling the sympton of "Internet" deficiency. I was so bloody restless cause I was unable to check my mail properly, reading blogs and most importantly downloading MANGA.

So I thought of wacthing a movie from my brother laptop when I stumble across something that I had not touch for so long. It was Warcraft, and I thought to myself "Why not?" .. so from afternoon on the last day till less than an hour before the new year I was playing games and did not even notice the time... Yes, I played game the whole day till nite till my father when out to join the neighbour barbeque and karoeke session.

And without guessing very hard, you might guess it correctly. Just after the new year, after the phone calls and sms'es wish and after bath to buang "sial" as people says. I bloody continued to play the bloody game which I restarted the whole game from mission 1 as I kept on killing myself after continueing my Brother saved game :P

I bloody enjoyed my first day of 2010..