Kejadian-kejadian 2009.. Apa yang berlaku dalam idup sia ni taun 2009

Sila kan membaca, sia ni mau try-try da tulis post sia ni dalam pure slang sabah.. Tapi macam fail sija ni. Almaklum la talampau biasa menulis dalam proper ongilish and proper bahasa gia...

Ni kali sia mau bercakap pasal, tahun baru ba. Tinggal 2 lg hari sebelum kita butul-butul kaci tinggal tu 2009. So, sebelum kita kaci tinggal itu 2009.. mari kita sama-sama tinguk balik ni taun apa kejadian yang sia merasa la kunun-kunun nya la.

January - March
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Maci nun jauh sanaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Pakistan, tengah berkeraja karas la. Sampai tia masa ba mau cuti, dari ari satu sampai la ari minggu.. Dui ingat balik mcm talampau kecian gia tu. Nasib ada elaun, nasib juga belanja sana murah.... Oleh kerana tia ada masa mau enjoy ada juga banyak lui ($$$$$) kena simpan and kena guna untuk bershopping.. Nah time ni la sy terbelajar macam mana siok nya pigi bershopping untuk buang buring la kunun-kununnya

April
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Sama juga maci d pakistan, tp kali ni terlibat dengan drama. Terlibat dalam affair urang ni.. Dui gia, sia ni yang ndak mau join pun terjoin, amacam ni. Terpaksa la dengar urang yang ndak mau kawin.. Kunun-kunun terpaksa kawin pasal family, dui suda gia kena bagi nasihat kalau ndak mau kawin jangan la kawin kerana tu family paksa kan.. Tapi ni urang ni bukan actually mau cari advise ka2, cuma mau minta puji jak mau kaci share-share itu hidup dia yang penuh dengan action ka2.

Oh ya, ni bulan juga sia balik kampung sana Penampang mau attend sia punya toing punya ulangtahun pertama dia kaci tinggal kami.

May-June
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Adoiiiiii, time-time terlampau stress karaja campur dengan personal punya problem.. Ndak-ndak pernah sia kena nervous breakdown ka tu orang putih cakap. Notoruk sia butul-butul time tu.. Menangis macam orang mati laki, muntah macam orang mengandung, migrain macam orang sakit, adoi dogo ingat balik butul-butul sengsara oh time time.. Pastu kena delay lagi ba tu karaja, sepatutnya bulan 5 balik suda tapi kena extend lagi satu bulan lebih...

July
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Terpaksa menumpang sana rumah kawan, lepas balik Pakistan. Kecian gia, macam mana lagi teda rumah ba bila balik KL. Nasib ada kawan yang baik hati.. Dekat satu bulan juga tu menumpang, sebab dapat suda itu tempat mau menyewa tapi bulan lapannnn baru free. So dekat satu bulan juga la sia tidu sana ruang tamu rumah kawan sia.


Oh ya.. Kwan sia, tuan rumah akhirnya bertunang... Siok oh dia... Jelos ada la juga tapi ndak apa, bukan nasib badan.

August
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Phew... Pindah rumah akhirnya. Tidak suda menyusahkan kawan sia. Punya la penat mau angkat tu barang, last-last angkat 1/4 sija tu barang ndak larat.. Ni la susah kalau teda kawan lelaki sana. Ndak apa juga, bukan mati juga single tinggal sana kan? Macam la teda kaki and tangan sendiri kan.. hummmph

Ooooohhhhh ni juga la sy punya vacation yang numbur 2 untuk ni tahun, pigi dakat-dakat saja. Sanaaaaaa langkawi dengan tu geng-geng sana KK. tapi sebelum pigi sana langkawi, balik kampung dulu rindu gila dengan tu family lama ndak terjumpa...

September
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Pastu ni bulan pula, sia balik kk juga tp sikijap saja la sbab tu hari berikutnya sama-sama family pigi sana Manila.. Wahhhh, kira macam first family trip sia terjoin lepas beberapa lama ndak join durang. Jangan main-main macam 10 tahun juga sia ndak terjoin.

October
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Actually ni bulan sia oun ndak ingat apa yang berlaku.. Tapi macam karaja juga la, oh ya lupa.. dui time ni la baru dapat gaji lepas 2 bulan teda gaji.. Macam mau mati time tu teda duit...

November
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Nah sia balik kampung pigi bercuti sama-sama geng di KK.. Mana kami pigi? Sanaaaaaa Ranau... Doi dogo, punya la siok... Trus time tu juga sia buat keputusan untuk mau balik KK for good la. Ndak tahan suda mau sendiri-sendiri sana KL. Talampau lama suda sia merantau.. Dari sambung Diploma sampai la suda karaja. mau dekat 10 tahun suda oh. Jangan ko main-main. Time ni juga la terjumpa org lama....

December
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Bulan yang terlampau banyak decision penting sia buat, ada yang sia kaci sakit ati. Ada yang sia kaci bingung. Ndak tau la... Ada juga la sia terbalik untuk pigi reunion sikul. And then finally cni sia di kampung, balik bercuti sebab punya lama sia ndak balik untuk krismas dan juga tu new year.. 4 taun tau, talampau lama tu ging.. So sia sikarang ni depan laptop guna tu phone sebagai modem untuk access internet. Teruk ba ni streamyx, banyak sija alasan mau pasang tu connection paduhal dorang malas mau karaja time2 ni... Bila la streamyx mau kena pasang dirumah ni pun ndak tau...


Bah, macam tu lah kejadian yang berlaku untuk sia ni taun.. Harap-harapla taun depan 2010 tidak macam ni taun. Sia butul-butul arap yang sia dapat apa yang sia lama suda mau taun depan. Tapi macam tiada harapan sija sia nampak ni. Mau give up suda ni... Panat suda mau berperang dengan diri sendiri sama ada give up atau trus berjuang. Sia macam tu ultraman yang lampu dia berkelip-kelip merah suda, terlampau panat suda mau sakit ati.

Kita tunggu dan tinguk jak la macam mana kan.. Hehehehe ba, arap-arap kamurang dapatla tahan mau baca dari awal sampai la ujung ni post... Bub bye, sampai post yang lagi satu...

Have a merry and blessed Christmas! Lalalala I'm going back for Christmas this year...

Lalalalalala, I'm so bloody happy.. Truly happy that I'm so afraid that something bad may happen cause it always happen that way. When you're so bloody happy that you forget everything, something will happen that will ruin it.. So it's better to remind myself to be happy but moderately (mwahaha as if)...

I'm going back for Christmas this year, oh my I have not celebrate Christmas for so long... I miss going to the Mass with the family... Oh and the small gathering of the family... And I'll be back for a whole week, although I would be attending some sad event... But I am still excited to go back. It's been 4 whole years since I celebrate Christmas with the family.. So you understand the excitement... mwahahahahaha...



Wishing to you all reader, Have a Merry and Blessed Christmas.... Wishing you tons of happiness and joy during this most joyful time of the year.... And Have a Happy New Year....

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Should have expected it...

I'm actually in shocked, I was getting ready to go to work this morning.. Oh, I woke pretty early today, but somehow shit happen as we call it. And it happen when the least we expected, tsk somehow I can't wait for new year... I bloody hate this year...

Although getting the news it kinda frazzled or shocked... I can't shed a tear, seems like every single bloody years I seem to lose someone. And getting the news this late a mere few days before the new year is like a punch to the stomach but no tears. It may be because I have been shedding bucket of tears that I can't even to shed anymore for this particular news. It's like a blank piece of a feeling, numb to be precise. And also regrets, I never learn from my mistake it seems.. Always thinking that "there would be another day", nice... When will I ever learn I do not know. I have to stop thinking that people are immortal and there would always be another time.

Regrets, I hate that feeling. It's like eating into your soul, it's the worst kind of a feeling, first is obviously guilt...

:) LIfe is totally unpredictable

It's an all time knowledge to all of us, life is totally unpredictable. Yes we may plan for certain thing to happen. Like planning for D, so we do A-B-C but then again God has totally different plan for us.. So at B, something happen and we (or I) cancel my C plan and had to go to S plan. Then again after some time, it seem my path went back to -A. And then suddenly it I jst knew that I should go back to plan D. I really want to give up and just let past thing rest peacefully, but somehow I knew deep inside of me if I just let past thing past I would forever regret it.

I am bloody not that strong, I'm at my very low in life at this time. I'm so tired of battling and bearing things for this pass few years. And I really want to just move on and forget and find another path for me to walk on. But I wasn't allow to give up. Each and every time when I can't even think straight I pray to God for guidance, I told him that I just want to be happy again. I'm tired of having to pretend that I'm happy... I'm really tired, guess that you can't really pretend that you're happy forever when you're not.

This past few years is a real roller coaster to me, there's more of a down than of an up for me. It's like when you want to get away from some thing, events just bring you back to that one thing again. Although I have tried my best to forget and move on. And just as I am at the verge of successfully moving on and forgetting, something just happen and bring me back to square one. And finally I just gave up and just told "Him", "I bloody give up, so what's your plan for me, show me the way" (Well not in that exact word, it's in a totally different question but you have to kill me first before I will tell you, man! it was totally emabarassing)...

And I guess I somehow knew what I need to be doing, although sometimes I feel that what I'm doing is actually pointless but I just knew I had to do it.. Mwahahahaha.. I bloody hate myself right now.... Where's the bloody old me....

My life story (at least at this moment)

Well, guess most of my friends knew what has been happening in my life... This bloody song just hit the nail right on...

"I Guess You Get Used To Somebody"

I thought I felt you touch my cheek this morning
But I must've been dreaming
And in the middle of the night without a warning
I thought I heard you breathing
Me and my so-called independence
I've got this loneliness that's so relentless

I guess you get used to somebody
Kinda like having them around
I guess you get used to the way they make you happy
Bring you up when you're feeling down
I never dreamed when I was letting you go that
I would wake up and miss you this much
I guess you get used to somebody, I guess you get used to being loved

I kinda miss those rambling conversations
Where we'd talk about nothing
The way you always made me laugh at my frustrations
Baby that was something
I should've been careful what I wished for
'Cause I've got my freedom and so much more

I guess you get used to somebody
Kinda like having them around
I guess you get used to the way they make you happy
Bring you up when you're feeling down
I never dreamed when I was letting you go that
I would wake up and miss you this much
I guess you get used to somebody, I guess you get used to being loved

I never dreamed when I was letting you go that
I would wake up and miss you this much
I guess you get used to somebody
I guess you get used to being loved

I guess you get used to somebody
I guess you get used to being loved

When someone you care is....

A very dear person of mine is going through one of her most difficult time in her life. Major decision she had to make, major heart break she's going to face and major critism from other people she will have to face.

What's the worst thing for me, is that I would not able to be by her side at this time and also the knowledge that she will get hurt really bad eventually. If hurt is an object that can be share I would gladly take half of it. I'm not going to be a hyprocrite and say that I would gladly take all of it, as I'm not that bloody strong. But if it could lessen the pain a bit, I would do anything for her.

Listening to her, it seems that my problem is insignificant at all. Oh how I wish at this moment I could go to her and just give her my shoulder to cry on. I bloody miss her so much and now this thing that is happening to her.

I forgot how a person can be so cruel to another person for selfish reason, I forgot that I used to be that kind of a person until I really hurt the one person that is very important to me. I really hope to god, that that person that is hurting her would realize before it is too late how selfish that person has become and to grow up.

Terified but I have to do it....

Gyabo! I'm still deciding on one thing should I or should I not go back this weekend. I want to but I'm terified, I am so terified. I'm gonna do the one thing that I never have the nerve to do. All these conflicting feeling mixed, being blendered actually cause it became so mixed that I don't even know what to feel anymore. And at every end of the day, I just want to give up and decide NO. But I don't want to regret anymore, not anymore. But I'm terified... Aaarrrghhh I'm just making myself even more confuse... Well, lets just listen to this song which I haven't heard for so bloody long time...



This is one of the feeling that is mixed in me.. I don't bloody know anymore... Me think it is much better for me to concentrate on work rather on things that I can't predict... Geh!

A nice and lazy and boring sunday turn to an angry sunday instead

What trigger my "anger" button as I call it. When a person don't tell things to my face. It's just a simple thing, went for some holiday trip with friend, snap some picture, went back from holiday, look at the picture taken, and after a deliberating which is which that can and cannot be posted, you post the pic.

Well, after I posted it if you are not comfortable with the picture. Why for love of goodness tell that the second you seen the pictures you did not ask for the picture to be removed. I'm not angry at the request of removing the pic, but i am angry at how the request is made. An sms sent to a friend and the friend forwarded me the sms and "It's really shameful"... It's like being punch in the face and then kick in the stomach. Double whamy!

I'm a passive person, I don't show that I'm angry/hurt easily.. Nope not me, it's relly rare to see me that way. But "Shameful" ooooohhh for the love of goodness, help me lord I can't bloody accept that. And oooooohhhhh just bloody tell that to my face, cause the way the request is conveyed to me is that I just did the worst sin ever, I just did a very bloody "teruk" thing. That was the easiest way to have a person feel so damn bad.

Can't there be a better way to say to a "friend", like "Hey, I don't have your no but I got it from abc.. Act can you please remove my pic from the the one that you publish. I don't feel comfortable with my picture being uploaded. Thanks".

A lazy sunday...

So wat's up... How's your sunday? Mine? Well the usual thing.. As I have having more than enough sleeping hour yesterday. I woke up reaaaallly early today, early as in 7am... Hey on a sunday morning, and not going to church that is totally early FOR ME.

So I've been up early, went online, downloading manga, reading them, playing with some java game, trying to make my own tv aerial without any success... Whooopieee! How uninteresting and totally boring my sunday is... Somehow it felt a bit lame or it is suppose to be totally lame in a sense.

Why not go out? Well I would have gone is I have the means to go out. Hey, you need $$$$$$ to have a good time in KL especially if you're alone. Think it is easy to go out alone and have fun at the same time. If you don't have $$$$$, you will just end up feeling like a total loser. If you have $$$$$$ and tons of it, it doesn't matter if you're alone. Not sure bout you all, but for me for sure I could enjoy my day. I've done it so I should know what i'm taking bout *ngehehehe*

On a lazy sunday like, I would go for dimsum breakfast to start off the day usually at Room Eighteen restaurant. Then I would go to see if there's any movie worth my time to be watch *ummm nope not twilight*, then after buying the ticket would go to The Border, to see if there's new manga to be bought and check out if there book that is interesting enough to be bought. Checking out the time, if still got time would grab a book and just sit at Starbuck after buying the green tea latte and read the bloody book till the movie time.

Now, *pat my back* it's still totally boring but I enjoyed it. Then does that mean that I am totally a boring person.... Hmmm, need a dose of friends theraphy indeed..

A month left before the new year

We are in the last month for this year.. Its december finally, nearly Chistmas.. Tt feels that the days went too fast for me this year. With so many things that happens, gone and stayed out Malaysia for half of year, gotten my heart broken, breaking other people heart, realizing things too late, regretting things that has happen ages ago, lonelinees of staying alone in KL, missing the family so much, congratulating friends getting married and wishing that you could have the same thing, losing important things and got robbed...

All these thing I wanted to write and post it here.. But each and everytime I tried to write, it seems like I could not think of anything to write, there is plain too much and at the same time the bloody damn tear just got in the way. Yes, i'm not proud to tell the whole world that I am a total crybaby.. Yes, it is a weakness but if those damn tears don't go out I can't imagine how I can go past these day with all these hurts and depress feeling inside of me.

Now, i'm starting to wonder should I ever post this bloody "confession" of mine.. But then I have to, I just want to say it all out and then move on.. There are pople that thinks that I'm bloody independant and strong, but oh boy how wrong they are.. I become independant because I had to, moving out of home just after finishing my high school, and continuously being so far from the family for nearly 9 years already.. it's a wonder I can still stay sane. I totally miss my family and right now I totally want to start to have a family of own own. I just don't want to be alone anymore.

Well as a summary I can say for sure that this year is the "Loneliness" year to me. There's still less than 30 days that's left in this year, what will happen in that amount of time. I also don't know, but I for sure pray to god, that it would be a good thing as I have enough of getting hurt again and again...

Phew!!!!!! That's only half of what I can say... Thank goodness for that, if I could say everything it would that pages of pages of pages of this blog to be written...